Therapy Session
by Pandia'sSun
Summary: AU. Imagine Solid, Liquid, Solidus, Big Boss and EVA at family Therapy...? Not good. The Therapist turns out to be Otacon! Total Nonsence. Rated M just too be safe. PS: May be a few spoilers
1. Family Therapy

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Wouldn't mind owning Snake though. (Stares off dreamily into space)

Therapy sessions

Fri, 4:15 pm, 13th of December, Councillor's office

**1**

Family Therapy

ACT ONE

The young boys and Big Boss sat in on the thick leather sofa of the therapist's office.

Big Boss considered to therapy after EVA told him it would help them with their not very natural family problems.

She suggested it to Big Boss after he copped on that Liquid, Snake and Solidus did a number off thing's each to highly piss him off.

Snake sat on the left moping about the fact that Big Boss took his lighter, Solidus sat in the middle trying to poke out his right eye with a pen, and Liquid sat on the arm chair thinking of ways to piss off Snake in the next game.

Otacon (the councillor) leaned forward. "Now, Mr Big Boss…. sir, eh…."

Otacon had a bit off trouble having an active conversation with a well known legendary hero/part time bad guy, including Liquid and Solidus.

Snake sighed. "Otacon, calm down."

Otacon nodded and wasn't so twitchy anymore and turned his head to Big Boss. "So, eh, why have you called this meeting… sir?"

Big Boss looked at EVA who was sitting beside him on the leather couch.

"Well it was actually EVA's idea."

Otacon turned to her. "Oh, so what, eh, made you do this."

"Well ever since they were infants there's been problems. I remember Liquid and Snake used to always bully Solidus."

Otacon frowned. "Really, so what would they do ?"

EVA crossed her legs. "Well, when we'd ever brought them to the playground or to some military training , whenever Big Boss wasn't looking, Snake used to take his tranquilizer's and other things out of his wallet-"

Big Boss frowned. "Hey is that what happened to my VISA card!?"

EVA rolled her eyes. "Anyway, they'd get the tranquilizer out of Big Boss's wallet, get a stick and blow one to Solidus's neck and he and Liquid would take all his clothes."

Otacon looked at Snake and Liquid who were looking up at the roof whistling innocently and counting the tiles.

"Snake…. Liquid. Are you going to apologize to Solidus?"

Liquid whined. "But… Come on, we were three!"

Big Boss frowned. "LIQUID!"

They both sighed. "Sorry."

Otacon lightly smiled. "Good, looks like we… haven't made much progress at all."

EVA sighed. Otacon tightened his grip on his pen and notepad. "So, Snake… do you have any issues you'd like to share with the rest of your family?"

Snake scowled. "NO!"

"Nothing, nothing at all?" Otacon gazed at him.

"Damn it, No!"

Otacon sighed. "This is gonna be a very long session. How about I take each of your boys separately and I'll discuss their problems one by one?"

******************************************************************************************

Snake

Snake sat on the sofa sticking his cigarette into the ashtray.

Otacon leaned forward. "So, Snake? What relationship do you have with you're brothers?"

"We're brother…ly." Snake took a blow on his cigarette obviously trying to avoid the subject.

"Snake I'm just trying to help."

"There's nothing wrong!"

Snake took the glass of water and poured into it vodka from the flask he took from his jacket.

"Snake!"

"I'm thirsty!"

Otacon rolled his eyes. "Oh, fine!"

Snake swung the glass down his throat and then threw the glass against the wall and it shattered.

Otacon sighed as Snake made a long belch and threw his legs over the coffee table.

"Okay, Otacon, eh, what were you saying there?"

Otacon slightly raised his voice. "What kind of relationship do you have with your brothers!"

Snake smirked lightly. "Eh…. Well I don't exactly understand the question."

"SNAKE!"

Snake knew this would be over a lot quicker if he just answered Otacon's questions.

"Alright, alright. Well, Me and Liquid just never really got along, the only time we ever laugh together is when we're laughing at Solidus."

Otacon began writing on his notepad. "What about Solidus? How do you feel about him?"

"Nothing much, just ever since he stole my Legos when we were kids, and that whole… Raiden thing, I just never really liked him."

Snake took another blow on his cigarette.

"…. uh huh…. Eh, Snake why do you smoke?"

Snake stared at him. "What?!"

"Why do you feel the need to smoke? How did it start? Was it like a… teenage rebellion kind of thing?"

Snake felt angry and confused at the same time, for Snake, this was too much to intake. "No. I just smoke."

Otacon continued writing on his notepad. "Snake… do you think of your cigarette as a security blanket? Is it protecting you from things you don't want to face?"

Snake frowned. "No!"

"Snake, you know this façade may work on your family, but I see behind it all, you can't fool me."

Snake started breathing heavily. "OTACON! Enough!"

Snake ran out the door carrying a pack of ciggs and a lighter.

Otacon gave a long sigh.

******************************************************************************************

Liquid

Otacon stat on his armchair terrified and getting ready to grab the Desert Eagle in his jacket if necessary.

Liquid sat across from him quite comfortably drinking sparkling water.

"So… eh… Liquid. W…why have you wanted to kill Snake for so long?"

Liquid sighed. "Well… I just never understood why Snake felt the need to please Father so often, I guess I always wanted to be praised more."

Otacon gulped. "If you… eh… don't mind me asking, why do you promote world domination to be a number one priority in your life?"

Liquid stayed silent for a very long time, in which Otacon grew very nervous. Suddenly, Liquid let out a strangled cry .

Otacon jumped and grabbed the gun, shaking with fear, just like Snake had taught him to.

He soon realised that Liquid did not want to harm him because he was too busy sobbing into his hands.

Otacon was wide-eyed in shock as he handed him a box of tissues.

He set the gun back in it's place.

"Thank you." Liquid said quietly while sniffing deeply, he then looked up with red, puffy eyes. "I don't know! I guess I just want to be loved!"

Otacon wrote thoroughly on his notepad and Liquid continued weeping. "Why can't I just be loved!"

Otacon put his hand on Liquid's shoulder and patted him on the back quite carefully and nervously.

"eh… well… Liquid. I…I'm sure your father loves you."

"Really?"

Otacon nodded.

Liquid sighed and stood up. He straightened his jacket and rubbed his eyes.

"Mr. Otacon, I'd like your word that this discussion will never leave this office."

Otacon nodded. "Doctor-patient confidentiality." Liquid walked out the door, now reassured.

********************************************************************************************

Solidus

Otacon placed his tape recorder on the coffee-table in front of him.

"….." Otacon sighed.

Solidus raised his eyebrows. "So, are you gonna ask me a question or what?"

He slightly stuttered though Solidus wasn't the most dangerous of them all. "Oh, eh, okay. Why do you feel like you have to live up to your father's expectations?"

"I understand how I turned out to be the perfect clone, but I don't under stand is why Snake's treated like the perfect son!"

Otacon nodded and began writing on his notepad. "So, you feel like you're second best, even though you were said to_ be _the best, yes?"

He nodded and took a drink of water.

Otacon thought for a moment. "Solidus… you still haven't answered my question."

Solidus ignored him. "Another thing, Why do they call him "Snake", why are me and Liquid called by our first names, why can't I be 'Snake'!?"

"Solidus? Why aren't answering me? Why do you feel the need to be exactly like your father and your brother?"

Solidus says angrily. "Snake gets the guns, Snake gets the chicks! And what do I get, Nothing!"

Otacon raises an eyebrow. "Solidus…. I thing that you, have appearance issues."

Solidus looks shocked. "What?"

"You hide in the shadow of your father and brothers. And It really gets to you, that your only in one game, and it's the game with Raiden so nobody really gives a shit about it."

"What, what do you mean?"

"You don't understand why snake gets everything he wants, but Snake doesn't feel that way."

Solidus frowned. "Are you sure about that?"

"I've known him for quite a while."

Otacon noticed the designer Shoes he'd been wearing, and also the way his skin was moist and his hair was perfectly gelled back. "Solidus… there's another question I've been meaning to ask you, are you... Gay?"

"What, no!"

"Solidus… are you sure, Snake told me about the N*Sync posters?"

Solidus was offended. He always knew he was different but really didn't know he was gay. "Wha-… no I'm not!"

"Ya sure?"

Solidus stuttered. "… No!"

Otacon agreed to leave it at that. "Okay… I'll leave it alone. Now, how would you see your relationship with your family?"

Solidus thought for a moment. "I never liked Snake and Liquid, they always teased me and made fun of the way I dressed, but Liquid mostly did it. Snake… hasn't_ always _been so bad."

Otacon nodded. "What about your father? What's your relationship with him?"

Solidus sighed deeply. "Well, ever since I was a little boy I always wanted to be like Big Boss and Snake. They were always so cool and so alike and I wanted to be just like them."

Otacon scribbled on his notebook furiously. "And Liquid? Why not him?"

Solidus wrinkled his nose in disgust. "I just really don't like Liquid. He's my brother, you know? Family, I have to love him but I don't have to _like _him."

Otacon nodded. This explained so much.

"Why don't you like him? Can you tell me that Solidus?"

Solidus seemed hesitant. "He won't find out that I said this will he?"

Otacon shook his head. "Doctor-patient confidentiality. Nothing leaves this room."

"… Well… he's a bit of a prick you know? Always complaining about everything. And the moaning, God he's such a little girl."

Otacon nodded. "Your opinion… Snakes opinion, and soon to be, probably Big Boss' opinion, all the same."

******************************************************************************************

Big Boss

Otacon Drank down the water on the coffee table.

"Big Boss, Sir, how would you describe your relationship with your sons."

Big Boss sighed. "Well… they're my sons, I love'em."

Otacon raised an eyebrow. "Well, Snake doesn't think so. Is there any reason he'd think like that?"

Big Boss frowned. "Not, that I know of."

Otacon leaned forward.

"Sir, how old were you when you went on operation 'Snake Eater'?"

"Eh, I was in my twenties. Why?"

Otacon thought. "And that was around the time, The Boss defected?"

Big Boss frowned. He'd never liked talking about her. He frowned and said in a deep tone. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I think you have abandonment issues."

Big Boss scowled. "What!"

Otacon nodded. "I think that you have abandonment issues. And I also think that you've affected Snake with your problems."

"No… I don't, and I didn't!"

Otacon sighed. "The Boss defected, and then you had an assigned mission to kill her! Also, not long after that EVA

Left after a one-night stand, and turned out to be a Chinese spy!"

Big Boss took a long sigh and took a drag on his cigar.

"Well, I was having a bit of a bad month!"

"Big Boss…. Snake's been affected by your problems, and he doesn't even know it!"

Big Boss took another long sigh.

"Yeah… I guess, EVA always saw it in me. I just, never saw it myself."

Big Boss took another drag on his cigar.

Otacon nodded while writing roughly on his notepad.

"Good, looks like we've made some good progress so far." Otacon noticed big boss began taking multiple smokes after he'd make the statement. "Now… Why do you smoke?"Big Boss frowned. "What do you mean?!"

"When did it start?"

"I don't know… I just smoke. It's not a big deal… is it?"

Otacon thought for a moment. "You know, I've noticed your son Snake starts smoking when he doesn't want to face facts, And I think you do the same the thing."

"NO, Enough! I just smoke!"

"I'm sorry sir, but, you can't hide behind your cigar forever."

Big Boss scowled. "I CAN AND I WILL!"

Big Boss runs out the door carrying a pack of cigs and a lighter.

Otacon gave a long sigh.

******************************************************************************************** Family Therapy

ACT TWO

The whole family sat around the coffee table in the same positions.

Otacon nodded proudly. "Well… we've made some excellent progress!"

EVA smiled. "Really? Cuz we're fucked up."

"Yeah, I even got one of them to admit what they've been feeling!"

Liquid stared daggers at Otacon, basically saying that if he told anyone what happened he'd slit his throat, but it's a bit too late for that.

"Now… I've called some of your friends to come here and discuss the way you've been acting."

They all looked at each other.

Snake was confused. "Like, who?"

The door flung open and a tall bleached haired man burst through the doorway.

"Hi guys!"

Snake smiled. "Hey, Raiden!"

Snake liked being idolized by someone.

Liquid and Solidus sighed disgustedly, this was the one thing they could both agree on, they both hated Raiden.

Though you couldn't really blame them, he was a girly little gay-wad.

Raiden smiled happily. "Hey Liquid, Solidus. Sorry we're late, Rose and I had to drop John at Campbell's house."

Meryl, Ocelot and Rosemary came in behind him.

Meryl smiled and ran over to Snake. "Hey.""

She grabbed him open tongued. EVA frowned.

"Snake! Why didn't you tell us you had a girlfriend!?"

Liquid laughed. "Us? As in you."

Snake was a bit too "Busy" to hear anything Otacon was saying.

"Snake? SNAKE?! SNAAAAAAAKE!"

Snake looked around the room, for some reason that sounded very familiar. "What, did you call me or something?"

Otacon rolled his eyes. "Snake, just sit down!"

He sat, just in time to see Liquid and Solidus laugh at him.

Ocelot walked over to Big Boss and hugged him manly.

"Hello John."

Big Boss nodded. "Adamska."

EVA frowned and turned to Snake. "Why didn't you tell us you had a girlfriend?"

Snake took a long sigh. "Well, Solidus would scare her, Liquid would hit on her, Big Boss would… hit on her. The only one I could trust her alone with would be you."

Big Boss frowned. "Hey, I wouldn't hit on her!"

Snake and EVA turned around to him. "Yes you would!"

Rosemary sat on the side of the sofa, keeping her distance from Snake. "Hello… _Snake.__"_

Snake never exactly understood why despised him so much.

"Eh… hi, Rose."

Otacon sighed. "I'll take each of our guests and let them tell me their description of your actions."

******************************************************************************************

Raiden

Raiden sat across from Otacon on the sofa.

"Okay Raiden, how do you see the family act when you're around?"

Raiden thought for a moment, in a bright, happy, sickening tone. "Well, I'd usually come around when I need someone to watch Johnny, or when Campbell asks me to give Snake a mission update."

"Yes, and does Big Boss think much about the missions that Snake is sent on?"

"I've noticed Big Boss is quite protective of his boys."

Otacon wrote on his notepad.

"What about when _you_ and Snake go on missions as a tag team, What do Liquid and Solidus think of it?"

Raiden threw back his hair.

"Well, _when_ Snake and I go on missions together, it's usually when Liquid decides to try take over the world."

Otacon nodded.

"And what about Solidus?"

Raiden shook his head.

"He never really care's much."

"How do Big Boss and EVA act towards each other?"

Raiden sighed. "Well if they're not arguing, they're on the dining table at it like bunnies."

Otacon had a clear glimpse of that scene in his head for barely even a moment, though he ignored it and continued writing on his notepad.

"So, for a married couple, it's really all just… Sex and arguments?"

Raiden nodded. "Pretty much, yeah."

Otacon thought for a moment.

"So do you come over to Snake's often?"

He nodded.

"Yeah, I usually leave John over there when I wanna go out with Rose."

Otacon laughed. The thought of Snake with a kid, He thought about the first time he left Snake Alone with Sunny…

She couldn't stop vomiting for hours.

Otacon got back to the subject. "Speaking of, what about Rosemary? What about her and Snake?"

Raiden sat forward and sighed. "I… they kinda avoid each other, I mean, when I'm out with Snake, Rose would be calling and calling like she doesn't trust me with him.

Otacon frowned and nodded. "Do you think she doesn't like Snake or…?"

"I don't know, it's like she's jealous of Snake or something."

******************************************************************************************

Rosemary

Rosemary sat forward with her legs joined at the ankle and hands together on her thighs.

Otacon placed his tape-recorder on the table and pressed the first button to the right.

"Hello, Otacon. How've you been?"

"Great thanks. Alright Rosemary, What's your relationship with the brothers?"

Rosemary thought for a quick moment. "Well, I've never actually met Liquid or Solidus before, and I've only heard about Big Boss. So, besides Snake I haven't met any of the family."

Otacon nodded.

"Oh yes, that's right. So what's your relationship with Snake?"

Rosemary sighed. "…"

Otacon frowned. "Is… something wrong?"

Rosemary bit her lip. "Nothing I say will leave this room, right… ?"

Otacon nodded. "Eh, yes of course."

Rosemary straightened her skirt.

"Well… I like Snake and everything, though it's more in the way that I kinda have to, because he's Raiden's friend.

But…"

Otacon frowned. "But what?"

Rosemary took another long sigh. "Raiden… kinda spends more time with Snake than he… does with me."

Otacon nodded while very confused.

"Really?"

She nodded.

"I know Raiden loves me and everything, but he idolizes Snake like he's freak'n Sylvester Stallone!"

Otacon sighed and wrote on his notepad: _She__'__s a very needy wife._

"Eh, is that the only reason you feel "Unloved"?"

"I guess. You know, at first they were just friends, and I was glad. But now they hang out so often and it's like he just doesn't have time for me anymore."

Rosemary went on and on and on about her and Raiden, while Otacon wondered if this conversation (even though Rosemary is the only one talking) may slip him into a coma.

He sighed and stopped her. "Rosemary! This is about the Snakes, not you and Raiden!"

Rosemary put her hands on her head in embarrassment.

"Oh, god. I…, I am so, so sorry!"

Otacon shook his head. "Don't worry about it."

Otacon knew she was a bit of a lying skank, though she was a nice lady.

She shook her head. "I'm sorry, I guess I just have all these feelings that I can't keep inside forever. I mean when Raiden and Snake are with John watching RAMBO I just feel so worthless."

Rosemary started going on and on and on about her and Raiden again.

*****************************************************************************************

Meryl

"Okay Meryl, What is your relationship with the Snake brothers?"

Meryl sat on the sofa, legs up, arms over the back. In a very masculine kind of way.

"Well, me and Snake's relationship is… sex. I've never met Solidus and Liquid held me in captivity in a cell on the snowy grounds of Shadow Moses."

Otacon nodded and realized that the answer to that question wasn't very pleasant.

"Uh uh. So, how do you see the family act around you?"

Meryl straightened up. "Eh, well… Liquid and Solid fight a lot and Big Boss usually handles it with a whack over the head."

Otacon wrote thoroughly trying to keep up.

"And, you and Snake are……?"

Meryl nodded and smirked. "Oh yeah, we are."

He nodded. "So, how long have you been…?"

She rolled her eyes. "What, screwing?"

Otacon kept his eyes to the ground and nodded slowly and awkwardly.

Meryl sighed. "You're a big boy, Otacon. You can talk about sex."

Otacon nodded sheepishly.

She took her glass and drank it down.

"Oh, and to answer your question, it's been around… six months."

He continued writing on his notepad.

"So, Snake didn't want to tell his family, and fair enough. I new you we're togeth- well… Snake was convinced I didn't know, but we're roommates and he didn't tell me, so where do you do… it?"

Meryl sat up. "Oh, well… off the record, anywhere we could. Like the Post office, Men's bathroom in a restaurant, Liquid's bedroom, Solidus's bedroom, Big Boss and Eva's bedroom, Pool table, Metal Gear REX , Metal Gear RAY, confession box in a chapel. Oh, and we also did it in your helicopter."

Otacon scowled in anger "What!"

She lightly sighed and tried to apologize but he wouldn't hear it.

"It was six months ago, it was our first."

"The last time I used that helicopter was six months ago!"

Otacon took a deep sigh.

"Just, please tell me Sunny didn't see you?!"

She shook her head. "No… but the Mark Two got a _clear_ view."

Otacon took a long pause. "What?"

She bit her lip.

"Well… at one point we kinda… rolled out of the helicopter, and Snake threw me up on the desk with the computer… and _seemingly _the Mark Two was switched on."

Otacon started breathing heavily. "Sunny is outside right now recharging the battery, and if she switches it on the most recent clip-"

"AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHH!"

A loud shriek came from the car park.

Waiting Room

Same time

Liquid, Snake, Solidus, Raiden, Ocelot, Big Boss and EVA sat outside the "Councillor's office" door while Meryl gave her description.

There was much silence in the room, until a loud shriek came from outside and Sunny ran in the door with the making moaning sounds.

"I-I, eh, it on and…eh, it… then I-"

Sunny was speechless.

Snake bent down on one knee. "Sunny! What's wrong?"

"I w-was changing the Mark Two's b-battery, and I f-found this."

She gave him the Mark Two and on the screen could see a pornographic video.

Snake's eyes popped out of his head. "Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no!"

Meryl burst through the door.

"Oh my god!"

Liquid grabbed the Mark Two. "Wow, who the hell is this?!"

Meryl and Snake turned their heads to each other and both nodded in agreement.

"Eh, I don't know!" Snake said in a very jittery voice.

EVA viewed the tape.

"Oh god, I wonder who it is?"

Snake grabbed the Mark Two. "Well, I guess we'll never know!"

As he shut the screen on the Mark Two a loud moaning, woman's voice screamed:

"_SNAKE!__"_

Snake stopped dead in his tracks. "There is a… logical explanation for all of this… just gimme a second."

EVA's face looked shocked. "Wha-… SNAKE!"

Snake winced and Liquid sniggered.

Otacon then soon ran out the door after Meryl. "SNAKE!"

Snake looked terrified of the twenty-eight year old man.

"Now, Otacon I didn't know the Mark Two was turned on."

Meryl frowned. "Yes you did, you're the one that switched it on! (imitates Snake's voice) 'Come on, why not?(Grunts) It'll be fun. I'll get the tape out later, okay?(Grunts) "

Snake scowled angrily. "Shhhhhhhh!"

Rose and Ocelot sat in the corner not understanding a thing of what was going on.

Otacon clenched his teeth. "Snake… I trusted you to lock up the plane and instead you have sex inside of it!"

Snake stuttered and mumbled under his breathe. "Oh, like you've never done it there."

EVA looked at Big Boss.

"Snake… just please tell me you were a virgin before that?!"

The whole family looked at EVA, Big Boss lightly frowned.

"EVA, you're blonde but you're not… _Blonde_."

She sighed. "David, I can't believe you! You're twenty six. And here I thought you were the good son! Next thing you're gonna tell me is that Meryl's pregnant!"

Snake frowned and stared at Meryl's stomach swinging from side to side in curiosity.

Meryl scowled angrily and held her stomach. "No, No… I-I'm not!"

Snake sighed in relief.

******************************************************************************************

Ocelot 

Ocelot sat back on the couch with his hands behind his head.

"So, you were referred to as Commander Ocelot, in operation 'Snake Eater'?"

Otacon asked as he timed the session on his watch.

Ocelot nodded.

"For the last time, it was Major Ocelot! Though yes, my other name's were: ADAM, Adamska, Shalashaska, General Ivan and Liquid Ocelot."

Otacon nodded.

"Sorry, anyway… you were the leader of the Spetsnaz unit, and you and Big Boss were… enemies?"

He nodded while thinking back to the days where Big Boss used to insult him of his revolver handling skills.

"Yes, I was inexperienced and in our every encounter, he'd find a way to piss me off, or use some crappy judo on me!"

A deep voice came from the waiting room. "For the last time," Big Boss roared from the waiting room. "IT'S CQC!"

Ocelot rolled his eyes and Otacon wrote his every word on his notepad.

"Are you close with the family?"

Ocelot thought for a moment.

"Well, I'd usually come around for the occasional poker game with John, or EVA would invite me to Christmas dinner and also, I've been changing the boy's diapers since they were born."

Otacon smiled.

"So you're very good friends with… Big Boss?"

Ocelot nodded and Otacon continued writing.

"Okay… How do you see the family act around you?"

"I guess, the boy's fight a lot and if John and EVA aren't arguing, they're in the bathroom at it like bunnies."

Otacon took a drink of water. "Do you know what the boys would fight about?"

Ocelot thought for a moment.

"Well, Liquid and Snake would usually argue about when Liquid… or I… tortured him in Shadow Moses, or whenever he decides to try take over 'The Patriots' (again), or when Snake eats the last kebab in the fridge."

Otacon understood how Snake would behave in that situation, and wrote thoroughly trying to keep up.

"And, does Big Boss spend much time his sons?"

Ocelot nodded without taking a pause. "Oh yeah, He loves them to death."

Otacon nodded.

"Do _you_ spend much time with the boys?"

Ocelot thought for a moment.

"Well… I spend a lot of time with Snake and Solidus, but Liquid…"

Otacon just about understood him. "When you got your body back to yourself, it was a bit awkward between Liquid and you."

Ocelot nodded.

"So… Ocelot, what is your relationship with EVA?"

"After the 'Snake Eater' operation, and after Zero and Dr. Clark created the 'Les Enfants Terribles' project, EVA and I were the only ones who remembered what The Boss actually wanted in the near future, human ideas of freedom and personal commitment, though John and Major Zero were too stuck up and preoccupied on pissing each other off then to realize what The Boss actually wanted!"

Otacon was trying to keep up with Ocelot's words.

"So you and EVA are quite close."

"Yeah, it's quite funny really, almost thirty years ago… EVA was kicking me across the head and leaving tyre marks from her bike on my face."

Otacon smiled.

********************************************************************************************

Family Therapy

ACT THREE

Once again, Otacon, and the family and guests sat around the coffee table.

"Now, this session has progressed gradually."

Snake sighed. "Are we done yet?!"

EVA rolled her eyes and Otacon shook his head.

"Soon! Anyway, this has been a very excellent session. Though we still need a bit more work done… and I've came up with a solution that'll help me understand your other problems better. I was thinking, if I come stay with you for two weeks, and the boys can move back in for two weeks, I can observe your family behaviour, if you agree to this… experiment?"

Snake nodded. "I guess that's a good idea, our house is being fumigated anyway."

EVA and Big Boss looked at each other and nodded in agreement.

"That's fine with me, you can sleep in Snake's old room."

Snake looked at EVA. "Then where am I gonna sleep!?"

"You can sleep with Liquid in his room."

Liquid and Snake looked at each other in disgust. "But, it's my room!"

EVA frowned. "No buts!"

Snake and Liquid sat on the couch, moping and pouting, while Solidus sat on the armchair laughing.

Otacon smiled lightly.

"Is that a yes to the arrangement?"

Big Boss and EVA nodded.

******************************************************************************************

Please review!!! Pretty please!!!. Yes I am begging. Chapter two will be up soon.


	2. The Snakes

********************************************************************************************

The Snakes

15th of December, Denver, Colorado, 8:59 pm

**2**

Big Boss & EVA's Place

_SUN 15__th_

Snake and Otacon took their luggage out of the trunk of Snake's old, discoloured and corroded 67 Mustang.

When Snake banged the trunk closed, the number plate fell off.

Snake sighed in annoyance but he loved her, he called her Copper, because she covered with rust.

Otacon took a glimpse of the four star suburbia. "Nice houses."

The most of the inside the house Otacon could see was the Christmas tree in the window.

Snake nodded and Otacon looked at the driveway, their were five cars in the driveway (including Snake's car).

A green/black Aston martin V12 vanquish, a small, red Mini Cooper with a white roof and two black line's down the middle, a Triumph bike, and a black Corvette.

EVA walked down the stairs and opened the door on her way out.

Snake smiled.

"Hey Mom."

"Oh, hey David, hi Otacon. I have… well, George put some food in the oven for you boys if you're hungry?"

Otacon nodded and smiled. "Thanks EVA."

"Snake, bring Otacon upstairs and show him around the house."

Otacon and Snake walked up the stairs and into the hall, they first stopped Solidus's room.

When they first walked in the door, all you could see is N*Sync and Westlife posters, in the corner sat a thirty-eight inch TV, on the dresser beside it, lay a few books, a white iPod, an antique gun, a PS2, a NINTENDO Wii, a football phone, and a large number of consol games:

Crash Bandicoot, Conflict Desert Storm, Devil May Cry, the GTA series, Grand Turismo 3 A-Spec, Kengo, Mortal Kombat, Project Zero, Tekken series, Time Crisis 2 and much more.

They then passed through Liquid's bedroom.

There was a wooden bed at the end of the room and a square desk with an Apple computer, a little blue collar with a pure silver tag with the name Jean-pierre, lava lamp and a small blue radio beside it. Alongside his television, there was an XBOX, a small straw cats bed with a fitted pillow inside of it, also Poster of an Aston Martin and a neat shelf full of rock ballad and classical CD's and XBOX games, and in his collection, he had:

Bloodrayne 2, Batman Vengeance, Dead or Alive 3, Halo, Silent Hill 2, Hitman, God of War, Jade Empire, Coliseum and Splinter Cell, and also a and art easel, with a painting of Shadow Moses on it.

"Who painted that?"

Snake nodded. "Liquid."

The door beside Liquid's room was Snake's room, it was full with Metallica and Guns N' Roses posters.

Beside his questionably unstable bed, was stacked tyres as an side table. On the table, there was a pack of condoms, ciggs and another pack of condoms with several opened.

As they entered the room, Snake whispered in Otacon's ear: "Touch anything in my room while you're here and I'll rip your balls off!"

Otacon rolled his eyes.

Snake went over and sat on his bed turning on the TV and the NINTENDO GAMECUBE.

When Otacon sat down, he noticed two full ashtrays on the stack of tyres.

On Snake's desk, there was a picture of him giving Meryl a piggyback ride. Beside his TV, their was a bookcase with unorganized GAMECUBE games and DVD's.

What he saw of the games were Super Mario Sunshine, Luigi's Mansion, Pokemon XD, 007 Night fire, 007 Agent Under Fire, Burnout, Enter the Matrix, Eternal Darkness, Super Smash Bros. Melee, Bloodrayne, Casper the Friendly Ghost and all the Resident Evil series.

Beside them, were his DVD's he had: 007 Series, the Indiana Jones series, Far and Away, Moulin Rouge, Romeo & Juliet, the Die Hard series, Halloween series, the Wrong Turn series, The Notebook, Atonement, the Resident Evil series and The Bourne series.

Otacon smiled, Snake didn't seem like the type of guy to have, Far and Away or The Notebook in his DVD collection.

Solidus came in. "Hey Otacon, hey Snake."

Snake was a bit too 'busy' killing zombie's with the standard handgun and stuffing his face with chips than to hear what his younger brother was saying.

Otacon shook his head and rolled his eyes.

_MON 16th_

7:25 am

Otacon woke to a loud noise coming from down the hall, he could just about make out the words:

"John, get your ass outta bed, NOW!"

Otacon threw the blanket off of his legs and place his feet on the ground, only to step on a cigarette. He rolled his eyes and put it on the overflowing ashtray.

He wiped the ashes off his check bottoms and grey T-shirt

He walked down the hall and peeked by Big Boss and EVA's bedroom.

The forty-seven year old woman, who was wearing only a shirt, was standing over the fifty year old man, hitting him with a shoe.

"Get, up! You have a meeting with Ocelot at 7:45, it is now 7:29 and you shower like Ms. Daisy so GET UP!"

Big Boss moaned. "Just… five more minutes."

She began to get frustrated. "John, get your ass out of this bed or so help me god I-!"

She shrieked.

Big Boss turned face up, grabbed her and threw her on the be and rolled over on top of her.

"Well, baby I'm a bit tiered from last night."

She smiled at his handsome smirk, and kissed him.

"I love ya, but you're not gonna sex talk your way outta this one!"

She kicked him off the bed.

Otacon walked down the stairs, into the kitchen just in time to see Snake devouring the fridge.

"Snake?"

Snake turned around with a full mouth, and a carton of milk in one hand, and a leftover chicken in the other.

"Oh, morn'n Otacon." Snake soon swallowed down his food.

EVA came down the stairs in the same shirt. "Morning, Otacon."

"Morning, EVA."

She jogged into the kitchen while tying her hair up.

"Hey, Mom. Jesus, Put some clothes on."

She snarled.

Snake drank down the milk carton as much as he could, until EVA snatched it out of his hands.

"Wha-… Mom!?"

"This is not a farm!"

"Dad ate snakes!"

She sighed.

"Eh, Otacon if you're hungry I can whip up something? Though my culinary skills are below… awful, but I make a good… burnt bacon?"

Otacon smiled.

"Eh, no thanks EVA, I'll salvage what's left of the of the milk."

Big Boss came down the stairs. "Hey Otacon, hey Snake."

He kissed EVA. "Morning… _again.__"_

He smiled innocently and opened the fridge.

"Are the other _two_ up yet?"

She nodded. "Yeah,_ Liquid_ is outside washing his car and_ Solidus _is at the shooting range with Grey Fox."

Big Boss took the milk carton out of the fridge and drank down as much of it as he could, until EVA snatched it out of his hands.

"Wha-… EVA!?"

"This is not a farm!"

"I ate snakes!"

She sighed and rolled her eyes. Otacon took a bowl from the press.

"Okay, sweetie. I gotta go to work, and now get your ass in fifth gear and get to work now!"

Big Boss walked up towards her. "Then how about you stay home and give me a test drive?"

EVA smiled. "Eh, nah. I gotta go to work. Bye."

She left the house and jumped on her bike.

1:02 pm

Otacon and Snake sat in Snake's childhood bedroom, Otacon was insulting his music taste and Snake was playing Resident Evil the GAMECUBE.

"Snake? You have Far and Away in your DVD collection?"

"… it's … Meryl's."

Otacon sighed and put the DVD's back in place.

"Eh, Otacon… can you do this puzzle for me, I'm on a timer!"

Otacon frowned.

"You're manipulating my genius brain to win some crappy used game you got at X-tra vision?"

Snake moaned. "Otacon!?"

Otacon sighed.

"Fine."

Snake gave him the controller, and after a minute and a half, he got it.

"You see, it goes up in nines."

"Oh."

Liquid walked in. "Hello, Otacon."

Otacon nodded.

"Hello, Snake."

"Hey Barbie."

Liquid sighed in exasperation.

"Mother wants to know if she's authorized to fix your car?"

(imitates Liquids voice) "Well tell _mother, _that my car is fine."

Otacon rolled his eyes. "Snake she's right. The left door is hanging on for dear life."

"No, she's just… a bit shabby."

Liquid thought for a moment. "You never actually said where you bought her?"

"Define _buy_."

Otacon and Liquid looked at each other.

"Snake?"

"Well I was passing by this junk yard and… there she was."

Otacon rolled his eyes and Liquid soon left the room.

"Snake, I have to do my job and observe… and I have been, and I think you should spend more time with Liquid and Solidus."

Snake neglected to pause the game, and was eaten by the undead.

"Eh… what?!"

"Just some… small activities, maybe a few drinking games…?"

Snake sighed. "But… Otacon!?"

"No Snake, you've had enough problems, and now you've got to deal with them."

Snake sighed with aggravation and knocked down six zombies, with six bullets, with six headshots.

Living Room

7:35 pm

The three brothers and Otacon sat around the living room in silence and boredom.

Otacon wanted EVA and Big Boss out for dinner, so the boys could "bond".

Snake sat drinking Vodka and smoking, Liquid was forced to watch daytime television and Solidus sat on the recliner flicking through _Cosmo._

Otacon sighed, this wasn't what he'd planned.

Solidus sighed.

"Okay, I've got to do something to break this silence."

The boys sighed and Solidus looked around him thinking of something to do.

He cleared his throat. _"__5 ways to please your guy, and get your love life back on track. Step one: is your sex life getting dry and dreary? Why not try something kink-?__"_

"Solidus!"

Otacon stopped him.

Once again they were stuck in silence.

Solidus tried once again. "Ya know Vamp had a thing for Fatman… and Fortune had a thing for Vamp?"

Liquid flicked through the channels and the only thing on was Pokémon.

Otacon sighed in boredom, then got up and grabbed the three snake's car keys and held them up. "Which car?"

The boys looked at each other. "Which car, for what?"

"We are going out, to a bar."

The boys looked at each other.

"Go… together?"

Otacon rolled his eye's.

"Yes! Together, mutually, jointly, as one. Now pick a damn car."

Solidus sighed. "We'll take my Mini."

Snake sniggered. "yeah, that lump of Shit."

Solidus snarled. "Okay! Then lets use the leftovers from Betty's Banger!"

Otacon sighed. "Boys!"

Karaoke Bar

Colorado state campus

9_:03pm_

The boys opened the door of the empty college bar.

Otacon questioned. "Eh, isn't this a college bar?"

Snake nodded. "Yeah, we can pass for twenty, nobody will no we're grown men. And besides, college chicks are hot!"

Otacon frowned. "Snake, we're twenty-six."

Liquid and Snake ran ecstatically to the beer and ciggarettes at the bar.

Solidus and Otacon sighed and soon joined them at the bar. By the time they got to the bar, Snake had drank four scotches and finished a carton of ciggs, Liquid had finished five martinis and two shots.

Three drinks later the twins were drunk, Solidus had only have a beer because he was driving, and Otacon had two beers because he wanted to keep it clean.

The bartender frowned. "Aren't you four a bit old to be in a college bar?"

Snake and Liquid scowled and Snake mumbled. "Hey… We are twenty, and we major in… Sex education!"

Otacon sighed and grabbed their drinks. "Okay, you've both had enough."

A barman was setting up a karaoke machine.

Snake stood up, grabbed Liquid and ran up to the karaoke machine and switched it on.

Snake pressed the jukebox and_ Goldeneye _came on.

Otacon and Solidus shook their heads. "Oh my God!"

Solidus frowned. "What are you complaining about. You live with _one_ of them, and for only for two years so far… I lived with both of them for twenty two years!"

Liquid came to he front of the stage.

Liquid: _See reflections on the water, more than darkness in the depths. See him surface in every shadow. On the wind I feel his breath._

They both came to the front of the stage.

Both: _Goldeneye, I found his weakness. Goldeneye, he__'__ll do what I please. Goldeneye, no time for sweetness. A bitter kiss will bring him to his knees._

Snake:_ You__'__ll never know, how I watched you from the shadows as a child! You__'__ll never know, how it feels to be the one who__'__s left behind!_

Otacon was wide eyed, and Solidus was hysterical.

The bar was empty for a while after a young red-head banged the door open and looked at the stage in shock.

"Oh my god… Snake?"

Snake was too intoxicated to hear anything she was saying, though Otacon to a glimpse at the door.

"Meryl?"

She looked puzzled. "What… are they doing?"

Solidus shook his head. "They're drunk."

Snake: _You__'__ll never know the days, and nights the tears, the tears I__'__ve cried. But now my time has come, and time, time is not on your side!_

Liquid: _See him move through smoke and mirrors. Feel his presence in the crowd. Other girls they gather around him. If I had him, I wouldn__'__t let him out._

Both: _Goldeneye not lace or leather. Golden chain take him to the spot. Goldeneye I__'__ll show him forever. It will take forever to see what I__'__ve got._

Restaurant

same time

Big Boss and EVA sat in the very crowded French restaurant, Carte Blanche.

The food came. A crouque-monsieur for Big Boss, and a croissant.

He examined his plate. "What kinda crap is this?!"

EVA sighed. "Crouque-monsieur."

"A what?"

She rolled her eyes. "John, you ordered it so, stop asking questions and eat the damn thing!"

He smiled.

EVA frowned. "What?"

"You look so sexy when you're pissed."

She shook her head but couldn't help but smile.

"Eat your food."

He continued picking at his food until it opened and a strange filling came out.

"ugh?!"

EVA shook her head. "You ate snakes, birds, and poor defenceless rabbits and you 'ugh' at the sight of ham and cheese?!"

"Hey those rabbits tasted good!"

She sighed.

He took out his cell.

EVA was confused. "What are you doing?"

"I'm just calling the boys to see how they are."

EVA shook her head. "They're in their twenties!"

"They're still children in my… eye!"

He called.

"Hi Otacon. What's that noise? Where are you?"

"_Oh, we__'__re just at a bar.__"_

"Oh, are the boys keeping out of trouble?"

There was noise in the background, it sounded like drunken idiots singing _Don__'__t cha._

"_Eh__…__ yeah. Do you know if there is a motel or if someone the boys know lives around here?__"_

"Eh, yeah Meryl lives around there. Did Snake not mention her?"

"_Eh, no he__'__s just a bit__…__ tipsy.__"_

People were singing in the background.

Snake:_ Don__'__t cha wish your girlfriend was hot like mine, Don__'__t cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like mine._

"Wha-?! Was that Snake?!"

Otacon stuttered. _"__Eh__…__ no, no. that was__…__ bye.__"_

He hung up.

Karaoke bar

Solidus, Meryl and Otacon sat at the bar sober while the twins sang drunkenly on the stage.

Both: _I know I__'__m on your mind, I know we__'__ll have a great time. I__'__m your friend, and I__'__m fine._

_I ain__'__t lying, look at me, you ain__'__t blind._

Otacon turned to Meryl. "Meryl, if you don't mind, would it be alright if we crashed at your place for a while? None of us are fit to drive three hours at 2:00 in the morning."

Meryl nodded. "Yeah that's great, I just moved in three weeks ago, its only maybe ten minutes from here, and my neighbours are Raiden and Rose."

Otacon and Solidus looked at each other in fear. "Raiden!"

"Eh… yes. Is that a problem?"

Otacon sighed. "It's just… he's a gay little prick!"

Meryl nodded. "I've noticed, but he's a nice guy.

Solidus and Otacon looked at each other. "…"

Liquid and Snake ran off the stage. "Hey guys!"

Snake spotted Meryl. "Hey Baby."

"Hi Snake. You were really… shaking it up there."

He nodded. "So, anyone up for a drink on me… except Solidus's paying?"

Meryl sighed. "I guess one drink wouldn't hurt before we go."

Meryl's Place

_TUE 17__th_

10:12am

Snake and Liquid sat by Meryl's counter staring at a full cup of coffee, looking off-colour and dry.

Meryl, Solidus and Otacon were eating a full Irish breakfast. Though Snake and Liquid couldn't stand the smell.

"Ugh… It looks like… Alcohol."

Otacon shook his head. "Well, it's your own fault!"

Liquid looked up. "No… I blame alcohol," Liquid lifted his head to Otacon, "And I blame you. You made up go to that bar."

Meryl tossed two plates in front of the twins and teased them. "Look at the juicy bacon, and the greasy sausages beside the crunchy, yellow egg yolk!"

Liquid held his mouth and ran to the bathroom.

Solidus laughed. "Snake, how ya doing?"

He threw his head into his hands and moaned. "How the fuck do I look?!"

Solidus put his hands up. "Hey… calm down, bro!"

Otacon rolled his eyes. "You chose to drink last night!"

Snake attempted to get off the stool.

"ugh… I know, but I wish I hadn't!"

Meryl shook head and slowly knocked on her bathroom door.

"Eh… Liquid?"

The toilet flushed from inside the door.

"Yeah…?"

Meryl clenched her teeth. "Are you okay?"

"Do I sound okay!?"

She sighed. "Oh… right sorry."

Meryl walked back to the counter and patted Snake on the back.

"How ya feel'n?"

He slightly nodded and walked to the bedroom.

Their was a knock on the door. "Eh… hello? Meryl, you home?

Meryl opened the door. "Hey Raiden."

Otacon and Solidus sighed. "Hi… Raiden…"

"Hey guys, are Snake and Liquid here?"

Otacon smiled unconvincingly. "Eh, yeah."

Raiden smiled. "Great, those guys are so cool!"

Liquid came out just to get a short glimpse of Raiden, then walked back in.

"Hi Liquid!"Raiden ran to the door, the same time Liquid locked it shut.

Big Boss and EVA's Place

12:30

The brothers, Otacon and Meryl pulled up in Solidus's Volkswagen Mini, and got out of the car.

Meryl took a glimpse of the four star suburbia. "Nice houses."

Snake nodded and threw his arm over her shoulder and the door opened. And EVA came out.

"Hey Mom, you remember Meryl?"

EVA nodded and smiled. "Yes, hello. You can stay here as long as you want, you can sleep in Solidus's room."

"You can sleep with Liquid and Snake in Liquid's room."

Liquid looked at Solidus in disgust. "But it's my room!"

EVA frowned. "No buts! Now Meryl, let me show you around the house."

Snake whispered to EVA while clenching his teeth. "Mom. She's sleeping with me, in my room."

EVA frowned. "Snake, there's a limited supply of beds, and unless you want you Liquid and Meryl in the same bed?"

Snake thought for a moment. "Good point."

She took Meryl upstairs and the boys walked in the front door to see Big Boss try to operate the answering machine.

"Come on you son of a bitch!"

Solidus shook his head. "Dad…"

He pressed the button on the answering machine.

Big Boss frowned. "Oh…"

Big Boss shouted up the stairs. "Hey EVA, if its okay, Ocelot's coming over for dinner… and as in dinner I mean takeout?"

"Eh… yeah that's great."

He nodded. "Hey Snake that's a fine woman you've got there… mind if I have a go at her?"

"Dad, No!"

Big Boss sighed and a black Cadillac pulled up outside and _Ra, Ra Rasputin _was playing full on in the car and an middle aged man was in the sitting in the front seat.

Big Boss ran down the steps.

"Adamska!"

Ocelot sat in the car mouthing the words: _Ra, Ra Rasputin Russia__'__s greatest love machine._

Big Boss sighed. "You really think you're Russia's greatest love machine?"

"Shut up old man!"

"You felt up my wife!"

Ocelot squinted. "Touché…"

He got out of the car and gave Big Boss a manly hug. "John."

Snake came to EVA.

"Hey Mom… where's Meryl?"

"She's in your bedroom."

Snake nodded and ran upstairs.

Ocelot ran up the steps into the kitchen and stumbled into EVA.

"EVA! Looking glamorous as always."

She smiled and he hugged her.

She pulled away and hit him. "Ocelot! Did you try and unhook my bra?!"

He smirked. "Maybe…"

Big Boss shook his head. "Stop feeling up my wife, Hitler!"

Ocelot sighed. "Hitler was German you retard."

"Well… there all the same. Anyway, what are you doing driving a Cadillac at your age?"

Ocelot scowled. "Hey I just bought that thing at a great deal!"

Big Boss laughed. "Fair enough."

Ocelot sighed in annoyance. "So what you cooking… or hopefully ordering?"

She scowled. "My cooking isn't that bad… per say. And we are ordering."

Ocelot smiled. "Great. Chinese or Italian?"

Big Boss nodded. "Chinese."

Upstairs

Snake ran up stairs into his bedroom to see Meryl going through his stuff.

Snake sighed. "Did nobody ever tell you about privacy?"

She smiled. "They must have forgotten. Though there is one question I've been meaning to ask you something."

Snake took a blow on his cigarette.

"Okay."

She took out two different boxes from his shelf. "You listen to Iron Maiden, though you have Far and Away and Moulin Rouge in your DVD collection?"

"I have a colourful taste."

Meryl shook her head. "What ever you say."

Solidus came in. "Hey bro, hey Meryl. Listen you wanna game of Time Crisis on the PS2?"

He nodded. "Yeah just gimme a sec."

Solidus nodded and left the room.

Meryl threw her arms around Snake. "Time Crisis, huh?"

Snake smiled. "Yeah. You wanna see me kick my little brothers ass?"

"yeah."

Solidus's Room

Solidus plugged in the guns into his PS2 and Snake sat on the bed.

Meryl examined Solidus's CD collection. "Fergie?"

Solidus grabbed the controller and sat on the bed. "Yeah."

The game soon said: _Player one__…__ Solidus. Player two__…__ Snake._

The boys played the game getting excellent scores and head shots.

Snake began to get frustrated with the game. "Oh, come on! That was a perfect head shot, and I got'em on the shoulder?!"

Meryl sighed. "Snake, you do understand that a Namco gun isn't as accurate as a real gun?"

The brothers ignored her.

Soon after the Game called: Winner…_Player one._

Solidus jumped off his seat. "Woo Hooooooooo!"

Snake threw his controller on the ground angrily and went to kick the Playstation, just before Solidus tackled him.

"Snake!?"

Solidus held him on ground. "I am not buying another Playstation because of you!"

Snake threw him off. "Oh come on, I only did that… twice before."

Meryl gave Solidus and Snake a hand up.

_WED 18__th_

Upstairs

1:24

EVA walked through the upstairs hallway with a laundry basket in her hands. Each of the boys doors were closed, with music blearing from the three rooms.

From Snake's room was Motorhead, _Ace Of Spades,_ and some very questionable sounds, though it wasn't very surprising because Meryl was in there with him.

From Liquid's bedroom, there was Vivaldi_. _And he'd most likely be painting on his easel.

And from Solidus's bedroom was Fergie, _Fergalicious, _And it sounded like Solidus was singing along.

Solidus and Radio:_ Fergalicious definition make them boys go crazy, they always claim they know me, comin__'__ to me call me Stacey. I__'__m the F to the E-R-G the I, the E. _

EVA walked to his door and knocked as hard a she could, trying to get his attention.

"Solidus!"

He didn't answer, and as she came to be more impatient by the second, she roundhouse kicked the door open from the lock. Though he still didn't seem to hear her as he was lifting waits.

Solidus: _"__I__'__m Fergalicious (So delicious). My body stay vicious, I be up in the just working on my fitness, He__'__s my-__"_

EVA unplugged the radio and took a deep breath. "Solidus?"

She handed him a pile of clothes.

He smiled. "Thanks."

EVA went back out to the hallway and closed the door, soon after the music began again. She walked down the hall to Snake's doorway.

She raised her hand to knock on the door, though once she heard someone yell 'Snake', she took her hand back down and stepped away from the door.

EVA thought to herself: "Thank God there's music on in there."

EVA soon walked to Liquid's room.

She held the hamper in one arm and knocked on the door.

"Liquid?"

Liquid came to the door covered in paint and on his computer was _Winter, The Four Seasons._

"Hello mother."

EVA came in and left a heap of clothes on the creaky bed. EVA frowned and bent over.

She stood up, with a cigarette in her hand. "Liquid?"

Liquid sighed. "It's Snake's. He's slept here once in the past day, and he's already managed to pollute my bedroom!"

EVA shook her head. "I told that little bastard no smoking in my house!"

Liquid laughed and turned to his easel. It was a picture of EVA's Triumph bike.

She examined it. "Wow. That's amazing."

"Thanks."

The room was full of paintings he'd drew. One was of Shadow Moses, another was EVA's Siberian Husky.

Right beside his easel was a picture of Big Boss's (and The Boss's) gun, The Patriot.

11: 51am

"Snake! Get your ass down here, breakfast is getting cold!"

EVA was about to set the table, everyone except Meryl and Snake were at the table.

"Snake get your bare ass down here right now!"

Otacon was helping EVA set the table. "Ya know their never gonna come down."

EVA sighed. "I know. It's the same with all his girlfriends, but all of them never lasted any longer than a week."

Otacon smiled. "How about I go up and get them?"

EVA stared at him in disbelief. "Wha-… you really don't wanna do that, I mean, you can if you want to… just… you really don't want to."

He smiled. "I think I'll be okay."

Otacon put the plates down and went up the stairs. He walked to Snake's door and knocked.

"Eh… Snake? You in there?"

There was no answer.

"Snake?"

He floated his hand around the handle for a moment. "Eh, Snake I'm coming in… you'd better be decent."

When he went to open the door, it opened from the other side. Snake was in only jeans, and he wouldn't let the door open any further than an acute angle.

"What can I do for ya?"

Otacon looked behind Snake as much as he could. "EVA's been calling you for ten minutes for breakfast?!"

Snake bit his lip. "Eh…"

Meryl came up behind him and threw her hands around him. "Hey Otacon!"

Otacon was staggered by the fact that Meryl was wearing only a t-shirt.

"Well guys… in fifty seconds EVA will come up here, because breakfast was six minutes ago and she is getting very pissed. And if both of you aren't decent… oh now you've only got forty seconds."

Meryl and Snake looked at each other and quickly put on something.

Snake came out with a T-shirt on. "Hey Otacon, this T-shirt say 'I just had sex with a hot red-head'?"

Otacon sighed. "Well, from the fact that it's on backwards might say something."

Snake ran back in and Otacon went back downstairs.

EVA looked at him. "Are they up?"

He nodded and Snake and Meryl came down the stairs behind him.

"Hey Mom."

EVA smiled falsely. "Nice of you to join us."

5:30pm

Snake and Ocelot pulled up outside the house. "So Uncle-?"

Ocelot sighed. "Don't call me uncle, I'm in my forties!"

Snake rolled his eyes. "Fair enough."

Snake got out of the car and the front door was open. "Wha… why's the front door open?"

They both ran to the door. Everything in the hall was either broken or on the ground. There was breaking sounds coming from the kitchen.

Ocelot and Snake looked at each other. Ocelot soon took his revolver from it's holster, and Snake took a 4,000 dollar 12th century sculpted Chinese vase from the piano and held it in a CQC position.

More things broke in the kitchen.

When Ocelot kicked the open the door, and there was a middle aged blonde woman was straddling a tall, six-packed man on the dinner table.

Snake slammed the vase on the counter and threw his hands over his eyes. "Oh! Mom, Dad!?"

They looked up. "Hi Boys."

Ocelot put his gun back in its holster and smirked. "Hi!"

EVA got off Big Boss and buttoned up her shirt. "Oh, Ocelot. What a surprise... Seeing as you practically live here."

Ocelot frowned. "Its not really a big surprise for me, your always at it!"

EVA sighed. "Shut up, Rasputin. Anyway, we're having meatloaf for dinner."

Snake nodded. "And… whose making it?"

EVA smiled. "Me."

The three boys looked at each other. "Eh… yeah?"

EVA frowned. "… Okay, tell me. What's wrong?!"

Big Boss zipped up his jeans. "Well, your culinary skills… are… questionable."

EVA picked up a cooking book. "I'm trying new methods."

Snake and Ocelot nodded nervously and went upstairs.

Upstairs

Ocelot and Snake walked through the hall.

"Meryl?"

They passed Solidus's room and Meryl and Solidus were playing boxing on Wii sports.

"Bring it on bitch!"

Snake and Ocelot came into the room.

"Hey dude's… and bitch."

Solidus paid no attention to the game and Meryl yelled cockily in victory. "Oh I brought it bitch!"

Solidus looked at the game. _Winner__…__ Player two._

He began cursing frequently. "Son of a… Fucking Nintendo! Piece of shit!"

Meryl leaped around the place. "Three outta four, fuckface!"

Solidus walked up to them. "Hey guys."

Ocelot smiled. "How's my Godson?"

"Great."

Meryl jumped on to Snake's back. "Hey."

He held her up by the legs and dropped her on the bed. "Ouch! Fucker."

Snake sighed and walked out the door.

The phone began to rang on the table behind him.

"Ocelot, can you get that!?" EVA called from the kitchen.

He picked up the phone. "Eh… Hello?"

"_Oh, hi Ocelot!__"_Raiden had called.

Ocelot sighed in exasperation. "Hello Raiden."

"_Hey, I__'__m having a little get together tomorrow, around four-ish, and I wanted invite you, Meryl, the whole gang around for brunch! You guys interested?__"_

Ocelot thought for a moment. "Eh… well, I should be able to make it, but the Snakes..."

Raiden's joyful mood was diminished at the first thought that Liquid or Snake couldn't be there. _"__What__'__s wrong?__"_

Ocelot frowned. "It could get a little… chaotic."

"_Oh come on, how bad could it get? Just get them over here and we__'__ll see what happens.__"_

Ocelot bit his lip. "Well… okay I guess it's your call. See ya at four."

He hung up.

Raiden's House

_THUR_ 19th

_Four-ish_

They all pulled up outside the house and rang the doorbell.

The door opened and Raiden answered.

"Hey guys! Right on time. Come on in."

They walked inside. They're wasn't a lot of people there, eight or nine. There was a lot of food on the table, and a lot of booze.

Liquid, Meryl, Otacon, Snake, Solidus and Raiden sat in the bedroom with a well stocked amount of alcohol.

EVA and Big Boss were outside.

Meryl grabbed a bottle of Vodka.

"So, who's up for a game?"

Solidus smiled. "Why not. Weirdest place you've ever did it?"

Snake raised his arm. "I got it! I had to do some community service at this rehab centre. And I was working in this

convent for the pregnant teenagers, and…"

Otacon was wide-eyed, but not that shocked. "You didn't? Snake!?"

Snake smiled. "Yeah… and some of the young nuns."

Meryl frowned. "Really, because mine'd be when we went to Florida for our five month anniversary. We did it on the plane… men's bathroom."

Solidus frowned. "Really, you guys went to Florida?"

Snake nodded. "Yeah, we went to Disneyland."

Otacon spit up his drink and it came out his nose. "You… went to Disneyland?! You? Snake?"

Meryl nodded and rummaged in her purse. "Yeah, I have pictures in my pocket

She handed them to him. It was Meryl and Snake outside the Cinderella castle, Meryl in a camo bikini and Snake in leafed knee shorts and completely sunburnt.

Otacon laughed. "This… I'm so gonna copy this on my printer, and hang it up on our fridge."

Snake snatched it from his hands. "I have sensitive skin!"

They all laughed and Snake put it in Meryl's pocket and sat up.

Liquid thought. "Mine would be when I went to Paris with Hélène , we did it on the statue of Liberty."

Meryl frowned. "Who's Helen, your girlfriend?"

Snake sighed in sympathy. "Helen is Liquid's Snuffaluffacas."

Otacon frowned. "What's that."

Solidus sighed. "Sesame Street? No? Well, he was Big Bird's imaginary friend."

Meryl smiled at Liquid. "Aww."

Liquid Snarled at his brother.

Otacon nodded. "Mine would have been in Shadow Moses."

Snake looked at him wide eyed. "You got laid in Shadow Moses?!"

Otacon smiled. "In a locker, with Sniper Wolf."

Liquid and Snake looked at each other. "Score. She was hot!"

Raiden thought for a moment. "I guess mine would be in the kitchen of a five star restaurant."

The boys looked at him. "Score."

Solidus sighed. "Elevator!"

The twins looked at him. "Score!"

Meryl looked at them. "How about, what age, where, and who you lost your virginity to?"

Liquid nodded. "I was seventeen, to a bleach blonde in her sophomore year of college, and I think she studied art history, and it was in her boyfriend's dorm."

Snake gave a thumbs up. "Very nice. I'm pretty sure I was a freshman, and their was this really hot teacher, Mrs. Stanley, and she wore these thigh tight pencil skirt and a white shirt that could barely fit her, cos of her jugs. And she asked to see me after school… and I saw her after school."

Solidus frowned. "Didn't she want to see you after school Because you were failing calculus?"

"Yup. But thing got kinda different."

Meryl nodded. "I was in high school, and it was in a Ferrari, and I was back from a date with a sophomore and-"

Snake sighed. "And you did it with him?"

She shook her head. "No I did it with his brother, we had and affair the whole time we were together."

Snake eyed Liquid and Solidus in repulsion. "Stay away from my woman or I'll rip your balls off with a butter knife."

Liquid sighed. "Snake, you know I have a girlfriend."

Otacon cut between them. "Anyway, I was seventeen and I'd just got a full ride to Stanford and-"

Liquid smiled. "Really, I'm an Ivy league graduate myself, I went to Oxford."

"Brag about it why don't cha." Snake said under his breath.

Solidus sighed. "Snake! Just because you only got a football scholarship to Colorado University."

Snake frowned. "Hey… so did you!"

"I didn't get accepted because I ran with a ball around a field, I got accepted because I had brains!"

The brothers continued to argue, Meryl cut in. "I went to Yale."

The room went silent, Snake frowned. "You went to Yale?"

She sighed. "I didn't wanna go, just, my Dad was rich and he enrolled me without even asking me… so not so long after, I dropped out and went to Shadow Moses."

Snake smiled. "I'm sleep'n with an intellectual!"

Otacon shook his head. "Anyway, I was seventeen and I was at this bar, playing pool, it was almost closing time and this waitress just started coming on to me."

The twins nodded. "Score."

Meryl looked at Solidus. "What about you?"

Solidus thought for a moment. "I was fourteen go'n on fifteen and it was in Mom's auto shop, she had just hired this malteser (Brunette on the outside, Blonde on the inside) and She was fixing up Dad's old 64 Cadillac, ya know the one that Mom made him give to Sigint because he looked like a gangster? But she jumped in the back seat to stitch up the seat, and she just threw me in the car and ripped off her shirt."

Raiden nodded. "I was eighteen and… actually, it was the night I met Rose."

Ocelot walked in the door. "Hey kids, where's your father?"

Big Boss came out. "Hey Bleachy."

"You still having dinner tonight?"

"Yeah, I also invited Para-medic (Dr Clark) and Sigint (Donald Anderson)."

Ocelot smiled. "Great. Haven't seen them in, what, fifteen years."

"Yeah, it's gonna be good to see them again."

Big Boss and EVA's place

9:4pm

EVA set the china on the table and the doorbell rang. Big Boss came to the door.

"Para-medic!"

She smiled. "Snake!"

"What?" A deep, husky voice came from upstairs.

Para-medic handed him a cardboard box.

He examined the box and opened it. "Oh, a cardboard box, a snake, a Calorie Mate and a fly agaric poisonous mushroom, aw… how thoughtful."

She hugged him. "Hey Snake, haven't seen ya since I made your children."

EVA came out. "Dr Clark!"

She hugged her. EVA brought her into the living room and Sigint came in.

"Yo, Snake!"

"What?" A deep husky voice came from upstairs.

Sigint handed him a Mk22 tranquilizer gun.

"Aw, it looks exactly the same when I got it. Thanks."

He smiled. "No problem-o. So when's the last time I saw ya?"

"Around… fifteen, sixteen years. Para-medic and Ocelot are already here. Come on in."

Big Boss closed the door behind him and they walked to the dinning room.

EVA walked to the stairs. "Boys get your ass down here!"

The brothers jogged down the stairs. Para-medic smiled. "Hey boy's."

"Hey Para-medic."

Big Boss sat Para-medic at the table, she smiled. "Hmm… such a gentle man."

EVA laughed. "Ha, you'd be surprised."

Ocelot came in and Para-medic eyed him up and down. "Wow."

He walked towards her. "Hello Para-Medic, nice to see you again."

Her legs had turned to jelly. "Eh… hi, Ocelot."

Ocelot shook her hand and walked to the bathroom. She stared him down.

Big Boss giggled. "Doctor and Redneck sit'n in a tree, do'n someth'n they shouldn't be, starts with an S, ends with an X, oh my god it must be SEX!"

She hit him. "Shut up ass-wipe.",

Big Boss nodded. "I'll ask him if he thinks your hot."

Para-Medic smiled. "Thanks."

EVA stared at them. She was always the jealous type of wife, especially when it's his best female friend who's the same age as his wife.

They all sat at the table.

EVA served turkey on the table. They all looked at each other in caution, Ocelot cut threw it and slowly examined the turkey.

"Eh… did you cook this?"

She placed the platter on the table. "No, Solidus did."

They all quickly burrowed into their plates.

_Four minutes later_

They sat picking what's left of the food on their plates, taking about pointless things.

"Damn it Para-medic, I'm not afraid of Dracula!"

She smiled. "Okay, okay. I was just making a point."

There was silence in the room.

"and I'm not afraid of Vampires." Big Boss mumbled under his breath.

Snake frowned. "Eh, Dad… who shot out your eye? Was it Volgin or The Boss?"

Big Boss glared at Ocelot who was looking up at the roof, whistling.

"Well Snake, your Godfather was about to shoot your Mother, and your Dad pushed him away, and bullet came to my eye(!)"

The brothers looked at each other.

"So, my Godfather… shot out my father's eye?"

Big Boss nodded. Ocelot sat up. "Well… in my defence, you jumped in front of the bullet."

Para-medic sighed. "Can we please just talk about else? I had to listen to the same argument every fucking Christmas or thanksgiving or any damn encounter these two make."

EVA nodded in agreement. "Yeah it's always the same. Now who wants desert?"

They all looked at each other in hesitation. "Eh… did you make it?"

EVA sighed. "No, Solidus did."

They all nodded in relief, and EVA went to the kitchen.

Para-medic looked at Liquid. "So Liquid, your Mom tells me you went to Oxford. I went to Harvard, what year did you graduate?"

Liquid smiled. "Oh, 2002. I majored in psychology."

Snake and Big Boss were bored as hell. "Oh god, can you to stop taking about Ivy league? It's like your mocking us!"

EVA came out with a plate of chocolate cake and placed it on the table. The boys each took a piece.

Solidus nodded praising himself. "I am so, so good."

Snake agreed with chocolate lynching from his chin. "Mm… It's better than sex! No… it's _almost_ better than sex!"

Sigint took his keys out of his pocket. "Well, that was lovely EVA… or Solidus. But I'd better be hitting the road, it's a long drive back to Brooklyn."

EVA smiled. "Nonsense, you'll stay here tonight, and Para-medic."

Para-medic looked at her watch. "Well, I guess I don't wanna drive all the way up to Massachusetts this late, but I don't wanna be a bother."

"It's no problem at all. David, go set up the pull out sofa beds for Sigint and Para-medic."

Snake headed to the living room.

_FRI 20__th_

7:32am

Solidus put the bacon on the pan. Everybody but Ocelot and Liquid were up.

EVA came inside covered in gasoline from when she was fixing up her bike, she saw Para-Medic and Big Boss fighting over the salt shaker.

"Snake! Give it to me! I had it first."

It soon spilled all over them. "Nice go'n doc!"

"Wha… It's not my fault you grabbed it in the fist place."

EVA glared at them. She couldn't help but think their was something going on, she didn't understand the how a man and a woman could be anything other than love or hate.

She tried to ignore it. "Are Liquid and Ocelot up yet?"

"No, the UK never get up until eleven, and I guess Russia is the same."

She smiled. "Did we ever even go to Britain?"

"… No. I guess the accent just popped up."

Meryl walked out from Snake's room.

Para-Medic smiled. "Hey Meryl good to see ya again."

She nodded. "Hi."

Para-Medic looked around the room. "Eh… why do you have so many houseguests?"

EVA put the greasy cloth on the counter. "Well, I needed to do something about our family problems, so I suggested we see a Councillor, and that Councillor just so happened to be Otacon. And he suggested himself and the boys move in for two-three weeks so he could understand their problems better."

Para-Medic nodded. "How's it working out."

EVA sighed. "…"

Para-Medic smiled. "I'm sorry but… your family is pretty dysfunctional."

EVA nodded. "I know. We just really need some work, and were gonna do the best we can."

She placed the bacon on the table. They all picked off it.

Big Boss devoured it all in 2.3 seconds.

Para-Medic shook her head. "Pig."

He looked over at her. "What?"

She looked away. "Nothing."

Big Boss took four slices of bacon and stuffed them in her face. "Oh, who's a piggy now, huh!? Who's a piggy now!?"

She screeched. "Aaarrrgh! You little bastard!"

Para-Medic kicked him off the stool. "Huh… bitch."

EVA's jealousy pulsed through her veins. Snake came in covered with grease and shirtless. Para-Medic stared.

"Wow."

Big Boss shook his head. "Women."

"eh Mom, I think I accidentally shot whole in the tank. It's leaking like crazy."

Big Boss started laughing. "He, he, he."

"What's so funny?"

"It's leaking like crazy."

She sighed. "I guess it's okay, it's happened before."

EVA and Snake walked out. As she walked out the door, she took a short glimpse of Para-Medic leaning on Big Boss.

6:17pm

Ocelot walked throughout the house and it was empty, but their cars were outside.

The only part of the house he didn't check was the basement. He opened the door and heard a TV on in one room, and grunting and banging in the other.

He slowly opened the door, and saw EVA punching and kicking the pads on Snakes hand's.

It was a training room. Their was a punching bag, two dummies, weights, a shooting rang, padding on the ground and walls, and some obstacles for sparing. There was also a CD player and a mini fridge, full up with Vodka, beer, a few water bottles, gaiter aid, red bull and gone off cheese.

She punched his hands in her exact pin point, and to finish it off she roundhouse kicked him to the ground.

"Mom you're meant to kick the pads not me."

EVA gave him a hands up. "It's more fun the other way."

Ocelot laughed. "That was impressive, though you don't move as well as you used to."

Snake backed away to the wall. "Oh no you didn't!"

Solidus walked in. "Hey guys."

He was ignored.

Snake stopped him when he headed to their direction. "I wouldn't do that."

EVA smiled. "Oh really? Then how about you test that for yourself?"

She went in to a martial arts stance.

Ocelot sighed. "Now EVA, I don't wanna hurt you, so I'm gonna go very eas-"

She punched him. "What was that?"

He punched her to the ground, and she swiped under his feet.

Solidus and Snake were laughing and betting, Snake for Ocelot and Solidus for EVA.

EVA gripped him up against the ground and he kicked her off. She went for a kick, he caught it and threw her back.

She sprung herself up and ran up an obstacle, he ran up after her and punched her, and she kicked him down.

EVA jumped down after him and he got back up. "Now, how does somebody win?"

EVA sighed. "If your pinned for five seconds or if you surrender, the you've lost."

Ocelot nodded. "Oh."

He then dive rolled over to one of the dummies. EVA grabbed a long wooden stick they used for sparring.

She swung the stick to his head, he ducked and she knocked off the dummy's head instead.

He blocked her attacks with the dummy. Ocelot threw it on the ground and kicked her in the abdomen and the stick fell out of her grasp.

EVA cartwheel kicked him, and the force knocked him down.

She stood over him and threw a punch, Ocelot caught the punch and flung her away.

He hopped up and grabbed EVA in a chokehold.

Ocelot gasped heavily. "You give up?"

She smiled. "Never."

EVA grabbed his arm and flung him over her shoulder. She walked over and put her leg against his neck.

He struggled to get out of it, and eventually kicked her off.

EVA hopped up on Ocelot and tightly wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck, chocking him. He yelped and caught her hips and swung around in an attempt to fling her off but she wouldn't budge.

He ran straight into the mirror and it shattered. EVA yelled in pain and chocked him tighter.

Big Boss came in the door. "What's go'n on?"

Solidus pointed at EVA wrapped around Ocelot. He frowned. "Adamska! What are you do'n to my woman?"

From his point of view it looked like Ocelot was pinning his wife against a broken mirror.

When EVA screamed "Ocelot!" he gasped.

EVA soon fell flat on the ground and Ocelot came down with her. He punched her twice until she blocked the third punch and pushed him off.

She did a three kick combo, one to the abdomen and two to the face.

He punched her to the face and she backed into one of the dummies.

He went for another punch, EVA dodged it by bending down and Ocelot hit the dummy instead.

She tackled his torso and banged him into the wall. He grunted and she kneed him three times in the stomach.

Ocelot pushed her away and kicked her the stomach. She windmill kicked him in the head and knocked him over.

She then pinned him against the ground. "One, two, three, four, five."

EVA got off him and gave him a hand up.

Snake sighed and gave Solidus ten dollars. Solidus laughed in joy.

Big Boss stared at Ocelot. "What were you do'n to my wife?!"

Ocelot looked at EVA and then pointed at her. "Eh… Well, she started it!"

EVA gasped. "Wha…! No, I did not!"

Big Boss shook his head. "Your like children. Anyway, were watching some movies, wanna join us?"

He nodded. "Sure."

6:31pm

Big Boss, Ocelot, EVA, Solidus and Snake walked into the room next to the training room. Liquid, Meryl, Para-medic and Otacon were sitting on the couch watching TV.

Big Boss threw Para-Medic's legs up and sat down, she dropped her legs on his lap.

Snake picked up a pack of DVDs and looked threw them. "Okay, we've got four DVDs. Scream?"

They all looked at each other in disgust. "Oh god no."

Snake nodded and threw the box on the table. "Okay. Eh… The Fast and the Furious?"

They frowned. "Eh… no, to many times."

Snake looked at the next DVD. "Wrong Turn?"

They nodded. "Yeah, maybe."

"And… Dracula?"

Para-Medic hopped up. "Oh yeah, lets watch Dracula!"

Big Boss shook his head. "No, no, no, no! We'll watch Wrong Turn."

He stuck in the DVD with out anyone's opinion.

_About 20 minutes into Wrong Turn, Scene: their hiding under the bed in the house_

At this point of the movie, each of them were clenching onto their pillows.

Meryl was hiding behind Snake, who was trying to keep it cool and act masculine, but actually shitting himself. Para-Medic and EVA were hiding behind Big Boss.

Liquid, Otacon, Ocelot and Solidus were also scared as hell.

It was the part when they were under the bed.

Meryl dug her head in to Snake. "Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god! I can't watch!"

Snake laughed. "Well, I guess now we know Evan's dead, And damn that red-head is hot."

Meryl looked at him, scowling.

Snake smiled. "I mean… this red-head."

EVA and Para-Medic's hearts were thumping. Para-Medic gasped. "Oh god, he's awake!"

EVA dug her fingers into her scalp. "Run, Run, Run!"

Big Boss held both of them in each arm.

He smirked and looked at them. "Ya know… this looks like a great little triangle?"

The both ignored him. "Shhh!"

He nodded. "Okay, sorry."

Everyone's hearts were racing. They glared at the TV, wide eyed and petrified.

6:58pm

_End of Movie_

They were still shaking.

Big Boss got up to take out the disc. "That was… Good."

Para-Medic and EVA nodded. "Yeah, it was very good, no doubt… And I will be freaked out for a eternity."

EVA sighed. "What'll we watch next?"

Para-Medic sat up. "Oh lets watch Dracula?!"

Big Boss's eyes widened. "No!"

She moaned. "Come on… Please?"

Snake and Liquid nodded. "Yeah, Dad. Come on, Why not?"

Big Boss sighed. He didn't wanna tell his sons about the Dracula thing.

"Okay, fine."

He stuck the DVD in. He sat back on the couch.

As soon as the movie started Para-Medic kept her eye on Big Boss.

_An Hour into the movie (I never saw Dracula so I don__'__t know what scene it is)_

Big Boss sat glaring at the television that he really didn't want to glare at.

He knew if Para-Medic saw him hiding behind his pillow, she'd never let it go.

Para-Medic kept a close eye on him.

Snake was staring at the TV. "Eww… well I guess that blonde chick is dead."

Otacon nodded. "Most definitely, Snake. He cracked her neck right around."

EVA noticed Big Boss's little reaction to the movie. "Eh, John? Are you okay?"

He looked at her as soon as she finished the sentence, this was his only excuse to look away from the TV.

"What? Yeah… never better."

Para-Medic and EVA looked at each other. Para-Medic squinted. "Are you… sure?"

He nodded. "Yeah. Why wouldn't I?"

Para-Medic smiled. "Okay."

Snake and Solidus looked at the father in confusion. "Dad what's wrong?"

Big Boss sighed. "Nothing."

He neglected each question about the Dracula movie.

8:20pm

_End of Movie_

Big Boss looked traumatized. Para-Medic got so much pleasure out of his facial expression. She tried really hard not to laugh.

Solidus and Snake sighed. "That movie was very disappointing!"

Meryl nodded. "Yeah, that was shit."

Para-Medic sighed. "Well… ya no that was made between the fifty's and sixties. And I used to love these movies."

Liquid and Snake laughed. "How?!"

She shrugged. "Honestly… I don't know."

They all got up off there seats and walked to the door.

Right before the three brothers went up the stairs to leave the basement, Otacon stopped them.

"Wait. I've been watching you three, And you guys have gotta bond more. So you are stay here and stick together like glue!"

Snake went to protest, but Otacon stopped him. "Snake no! I don't wanna hear excuses like: 'I've only got two carton's left' or 'We'll die of starvation', Snake ya gust had a pack of Revel's, to bowls of popcorn and there is an unlimited stock of alcohol in the mini fridge."

Otacon went for the door. "And, I'll have someone come down here every once and a while."

They each took a long sigh.

********************************************************************************************


	3. Brotherly Bondage

DISCLAIMER: I OWN NONE OF THIS SHIT :P

_************************************************************************************************_

_**Brotherly Bondage **_

_**Same night **_

_**3**_

_Basement, Training Room_

_8:43pm_

_The boys were ignoring each other. Liquid was beating the shit out of the punching bag, Snake was at the shooting range, shooting dummies with badly drawn pictures of Liquid stuck to the heads, and Solidus was sitting in the corner, listing to Lady Marmalade_, full volumeon his iPod and reading a _Cosmo._

About five minutes later, Liquid and Snake got irritated about the nauseating noises coming out of Solidus's iPod.

They could never stay in the same room together alone for more than half an hour without pissing each other off.

Liquid sighed. "Can you please turn that down!"

Solidus ignored him, though he actually couldn't hear him. Liquid began to get frustrated. "SOLIDUS!"

He looked up and plugged one of his headphones out. "Yeah?"

Liquid took another long sigh. "Turn your god damn… thing down!"

Solidus laughed. "Hey, calm down Nancy. And it's called an iPod."

Liquid turned back around to the punching bag and did a punch combo.

The basement door creaked.

Meryl came in. "Boy's, doing some male bonding?"

They all looked at each other in disgust. Meryl bit her lip. "I guess not."

She walked over to the fridge and took out a beer, Liquid walked over right after her. He took out a glass from the shelf over the fridge and poured beer into the glass. At the same time, Meryl took the bottle and banged the lid open on the table and swung it down.

Snake shook his head at Liquid. "Dude… your more feminine than my girlfriend. Have ya even got and balls?"

Liquid sighed. "Oh come on, Your IQ is no higher that seventeen!"

Snake put down his revolver down. "Shut it, Barbie!"

Liquid tackled him against the wall and they hit each other like girls. Snake pushed him on the ground and straddled him. They continued to bitch slap each other, until Meryl and Solidus pulled them away.

The twins charged for each other once again, but Meryl grabbed each of them by the ear.

They squealed in pain. Meryl shook her head. "Oh my god! Your both like children!"

Snake smiled. "Then if I'm a child, that makes you a paedophile!"

Solidus sighed. "It's always the same, they always act like their in an action movie, then it turns into a chick flic."

The twins looked at each other. "Hypocrite. At the Big Shell you used to look like the bad guy from Spider Man 2."

Meryl let them go. "Behave!"

She left the room.

8:54pm

They boys tried to get along as Otacon had asked them, though they weren't making much progress.

But they tried. The three boys were training to together.

They were doing a three-way (Not _that_ three-way) fight. Last man standing is out of the game, as he has won, and the other two play on until the other falls. Their excuse for doing it was that they were training, but they were actually using violence to take out there anger on each other.

Liquid and Snake both had a very technical technique, though Snake was more 'Kick first, ask questions later.'

And Solidus was more for judo moves.

Snake and Liquid mostly studied the same things, CQC, kick boxing, capoeira, martial arts, judo, karate, and tai kwon do. Though Snake did more mixed martial arts, and Liquid did much more judo. Solidus did CQC, karate, martial arts, tai-jistu, kick boxing and judo.

Solidus ran up an obstacle with the wooden sparring stick in his hand, and Liquid followed behind him. At this point Snake was against the wall after Liquid kicked him to the gut.

Solidus went for a kick, Liquid dodged it and Solidus slightly lost his balance, giving Liquid the advantage to throw him off. He grabbed his arm and pushed him off. Liquid jumped down, at this point all three of them were up.

All boys attacked each other openly. Snake was aggressively hit and grabbed in a chokehold by Solidus. In the case of the brothers, Snake was the best out of twins, but overall he was the smallest. As Liquid beat the shit out of Snake while Solidus held him, Snake soon threw his body upwards and threw his feet to Liquids gut, forcing him to been pushed forward. While bringing his feet back down, Snake threw his weight forward, tossing Solidus over his back in the process. Solidus landed in front of Snake's feet, and Snake picked him up and banged him against the wall. He began kneeing him several times in the stomach. Eventually, Solidus grabbed his knee and flipped him over. For the moment Solidus was the last man standing.

He smiled and headed for the fridge, he took out a beer.

Snake and Liquid both got out and brushed themselves off. Liquid took roundhouse to Snake's ribs. He went for another kick, though Snake caught it accurately and threw him aside. Liquid quickly sprung up and did a three punch combo. Snake grabbed the sparring stick he'd let out of his grasp and windmill kicked Liquid across the face. Snake swiped under Liquids feet, he jumped it and sprung himself over Snake's back. Before Snake could turn around, Liquid jumped and balanced his foot on an obstacle, he then quick hopped off and kicked Snake over as he was in the air.

As Snake struggled to lift himself up, Liquid stood in victory. With an arrogant cocky smirk on his face.

EVA came through the doorway behind him. She rolled her eyes and kicked him to the ground.

The boys got up. "Hey Mom."

She smiled and headed for the punching bag. She whacked it a kick combo, and the third hit almost made the punching bag hit the roof .

The boys were amazed at that a woman with such a small stature could have such strength and power.

EVA, Big Boss and even Ocelot taught the boys so much. Big Boss and Ocelot taught them how to fire a gun, and EVA mostly taught them hand to hand combat. When they were nine, Big Boss took the three of them out for their first shooting lesson. He gave them each an Ak-47, and they didn't miss one shot. He was so proud.

EVA sighed as she looked at their puppy dog, big blue, hazel and brown eyes. "How about you come on up and I'll tell Otacon you'll work on your problems tomorrow?"

Their faces lit up with joy.

_SAT 21st _

Kitchen

10:22am

EVA put the raw bacon slices on the pan. Each weekend she tried her best to make a good breakfast, but it never came out as she hoped.

She put the first burnt slice on the plate in front of Big Boss and Liquid.

The looked at each other in high caution. Big Boss nodded. "Eh… It looks… good."

EVA turned to the boys. "Ya don't have to lie to me."

Liquid let out a sigh in relief. "Oh good, cos it's bloody awful."

Meryl came down. EVA smiled. "Hey Meryl. You want some burned breakfast?"

She yawned. "I'll pass."

Big Boss looked behind her. "Is Snake not up?"

Meryl's face went smug and happy. She shook her head. "No… he's _still _resting."

Liquid nodded. "We… did not need to know that."

She sat at the table beside Big Boss.

There was a loud knock on the door. It banged several times until Big Boss decided to answer it.

He opened it and sighed. "Ocelot, ya don't have to knock on the door, ya practically live here."

Ocelot smiled. "Well, EVA wasn't happy when I walked in without her permission and saw her in the shower."

Big Boss's eyes struck with fury. "What!?"

EVA shook her head at Ocelot, and he bit his lip. "Eh… nothing. So, John you up for a round in the training room?"

Everyone in the kitchen looked at each other. Big Boss stepped away from him, he was quite homophobic, though he never admitted it. "What?"

Ocelot sighed. "Not that _round_, I…"

They all nodded. "We know what you meant, Ocelot."

Ocelot and Big Boss headed for the basement and EVA placed the dishes in the sink. "Meryl could you wash those plates on the table? My hands are kinda full."

She nodded. "Sure."

EVA sighed. "We've got neighbours, we've never met coming over for lunch."

Meryl frowned. "I thought you lived here since Liquid and Snake were ,like, four?"

EVA nodded. "We have. But we never took an interest in socializing with our neighbours, though last week, my idiot husband thought it would be good to go to the Jackson's evening brunch party, and they kind of invited themselves over."

Meryl laughed. "That sounds like fun."

Living Room

2:57pm

EVA sat at the table, with a fake smile, complete and utter boredom, and to cover up the fact that she was drinking this early, in her cup of _'tea' _she had brandy.

Tiffany Daniels, fifty. Joyce Hampton, forty nine, and Martha Williams, forty nine, sat on the three seat sofa, with a cup of tea.

Tiffany's husband was a doctor. Joyce's Jewish husband was a lawyer. Martha's husband was a reverend. They liked to brag about their husbands a lot. While EVA's husband was a legendary hero. He was rude, obnoxious and ridiculously sexy and sarcastic.

Joyce sighed. "So, EVA. What about, John? What does he do?"

EVA nodded. "He works for the CIA, he was in the army."

They nodded. "Well that must be an exciting job, and what do you do?"

"I'm also in military, I worked for the Chinese. Actually, our whole household are in military."

They were all very impressed of the Snakes… so far.

Martha nodded. "It was so nice of you to invite us over for lunch."

EVA put on a fake smile. "Yes. It was nice of you to come over when _I _invited _you_."

Meryl came down stairs in a towel, soaking wet, and a toothbrush lodged in her mouth.

She walked to the kitchen and raided the fridge.

The older women looked at Meryl. "Is this your… daughter?"

EVA shook her head. "Oh, no. This my son's girlfriend."

They looked at each other. Their sons were sixteen to eighteen, and all three women were older than EVA. And Meryl was at least twenty four.

Tiffany smiled. "Nice to meet you…"

Meryl looked up and took the toothbrush out of her mouth. "Meryl."

She then spit out the leftover toothpaste from her mouth in the sink.

They were all in minor discomfort, though got over it.

Tiffany turned back to EVA. "So, how many kids have you got?"

EVA liked this part, she loved bragging about her sons accomplishments, especially Liquid.

"Three sons. My eldest son Liquid or-… My son Nicholas is the oldest by, well, two and a half minutes, he went to an Ivy league when he was seventeen, he has a girlfriend, she lives in Paris, he plays piano beautifully, and he and his twin brother David, are almost twenty six."

Tiffany was wide eyed. "Twenty-six, really. Excuse me for saying, but, you don't look old enough to have a child of that age. My eldest, Rebecca is nineteen."

Joyce smiled. "So you said that Nicholas went to an Ivy league, My son James is applying to Brown, and-"

EVA cut over her. "My son _went_ to Harvard. But then he thought it was a bit too easy, and then he went to Oxford, though he found it was still quite easy, and then he went to Yale and he thought it was way too… dull, and then he measured Stanford, but heard it was quite crazy, so he just went back to Oxford. He wouldn't consider Brown or any of those low budgeted Ivy Leagues schools because it was such a low standard schools."

Tiffany stuttered from what she said.

Snake came down the stairs in only a pair of jeans and the ladies took a quiet swoon.

Tiffany smiled. "Hi, are you Nicholas?"

Snake spit up the vodka that he had in his mouth. "What? Oh, hell no!"

Snake walked down the stairs. EVA sighed. "This is David, or Snake, is his codename. We all just call him Snake around here."

Martha nodded. "Nice to meet you, Snake."

"You too."

EVA thought of another way to brag about her sons. "Ya know, Snake was the saviour of 'Shadow Moses'?"

The girls were stunned. "Really, Solid Snake?"

Snake put on a cocky smile and nodded. "Yup, Shadow Moses."

He walked over to Meryl and went open-tongued, taking out the cookie dough inside her mouth into his own and suggestively pushed her to the fridge, right in front of EVA's guests.

She turned to them and pointed at the stairs. "Hey! If your gonna do that your gonna do that upstairs or in the basement or… anywhere but here(!)"

He nodded and left the room.

EVA was slightly embarrassed. This was the first time she's been asked for any social engagement, and Snake and Meryl are already at it.

She tried to wriggle the conversation. "My youngest son, George, is twenty three. He's that son, ya know 'I'm _not _gay!' butwent by the name of… George Sears or something, he-"

Joyce stopped her. "President… George Sears?"

EVA nodded casually. "Yeah, something like that. Some type of politics."

Martha frowned in confusion. "Wait, wait, wait. Your son was president George Sears?"

EVA nodded again. "Yeah. Actually he's probably upstairs now working out and listening to Take That."

They all could hear footsteps stomping on the second floor, rhythmically and a booming male voice singing.

"_Yeah you and me we can light up the sky if you stay with me girl… we can rule the world!"_

EVA grinned. "Yeah that's George."

The song suddenly changed to Justin Timberlake. Solidus was singing very loudly, overpowering the radio… and the whole house. _"I just wanna love you baby… yeah, yeah, yeah. I just wanna love you baby… girl."_

The three women looked at each other. "…"

A big bang came from the front door. Big Boss came into the living room, covered with sweat and grease. The three women took another quiet swoon.

"EVA, later I need a hand with the Corvette. I'm pretty bad when it comes to mechanics."

He looked exhausted, EVA smiled and handed him her cup of 'tea'. "Here, have some tea?"

Big Boss took it out of her hands. As he drank it he spit it back up and put it on the coffee table. "Eh… honey, that's one strong tea."

EVA was speechless as the three women looked at her with quiet shock.

Big Boss nodded. "Nice to see you again, ladies."

They nodded. "You also."

He jogged upstairs, the ladies took _another_ quiet swoon as he left the room.

Tiffany turned to EVA, placing her mug on the coffee table. "You know, Rebecca has just graduated from Stanford and she's… available at moment, and I was just thinking, Snake would be-"

EVA shook her head. "Eh… Sorry none of my sons are available."

She thought. _What a bitch, who do they think they are with their, Martha Stewart hair cuts and their perfect gardens!_

Tiffany liked Snake "A nice boy". Though Meryl didn't look like a lady, and Tiffany didn't feel she was a high standard for Snake. Which made her try take control of his women… bitch.

EVA sighed. "Snakes okay with Meryl, we'll suggest new women _if_ they break up."

Tiffany slightly gasped in a fake way. "Oh, sorry I… forgot about her, I'm terribly sorry."

EVA nodded and lifted the four cups and plate of burnt scones and took them out to the kitchen. She placed them in the sink and looked at her watch. She sighed. "Oh god, another hour I have to put up with this."

She walked back to the sofa. Joyce turned to EVA. "Ya know, were having a little Party, to celebrate Rebecca's return from Stanford next week and it'd be great if your family could come?"

EVA had 2.4 seconds to grab a ridiculous lie off the tip of her brain, but found nothing.

"Eh… okay."

She knew that she was gonna regret that.

Living Room

1:19am

Otacon, Liquid, Solidus, Meryl, Snake and Ocelot sat in the living room, again, bored as hell.

As the last social event the brothers had didn't go as planned, Otacon was willing to try again. Otacon had Big Boss and EVA go out for dinner, he also disconnected all the phones.

Liquid sat on the sofa rubbing his Russian Blue cat that Ocelot gave him when he got back from Russia, Jean-Pierre he called it. It was a very quiet cat. It never like to be fed anything but Whiskers, and it never liked to be fed by anyone but Liquid.

Meryl sat on the ground under Snakes legs, with a tub of Ben & Jerry's and an Oreo milkshake.

Ocelot sat beside Meryl on the ground in front of the coffee table, and Otacon and Solidus sat at the other end of it.

They'd been playing a countless number of board-games, and each time it ended with Snake throwing the game against the wall. Scrabble, Cludeo, Charades. All ended the same.

This time they were playing Monopoly. Meryl was the car, Liquid was the horse, Snake was the dog, Ocelot was the iron, Otacon was the thimble, and Solidus was the boat.

It was a world-wide Monopoly, So far Liquid was in the lead with China, Australia, Sudan, Canada, New Zealand, Brazil, Argentina, Alaska, Venezuela, Russia and Italy. He also leaded with a good couple of hundreds.

Snake and Liquid debated. Liquid held four thick pieces of paper worth a thousand dollars in Monopoly money. "Right Snake, I'll give you all this for the deed to France? Mmh?"

Snake shook his head. "No, no way. I'll trade you France for… Alaska."

Liquid took a deep sigh. "Fine. I'm only doing this because Hélène lives in France?"

Snake nodded in a sympathetic way. "Mmm… Helen, your girlfriend that lives in a different continent, speaks a different language, went to Oxford, is stunningly gorgeous and nobody but your collage buddies have met… wow… sounds delusional."

"Hélène!"

Snake shook his head. "Whatever."

It was Meryl's turn. She rolled the dice and the picked up a card. "Damn it! Jail!"

Liquid swooped in with his genius bargaining skills. "Ya know, Meryl I have a "get out of Jail" card if your interested?"

Meryl nodded and sighed. "How much."

Liquid held the card and threw it on the coffee table in front of her. "Five hundred?"

She shook her head. "No, no. No way. Two fifty?"

"Four?"

"Two fifty?"

"Three fifty?"

"Three?"

"Four fifty?"

"Sold! What…?"

Meryl took an annoyed sigh and traded the card for four fifty. It was never exactly a fair with Liquid. He always used his genius brain to manipulate and confuse you. Especially Poker and Battle Ship.

Though, as Otacon was a genius, he would never try to reach Liquids standard. He could, but he uses his brains for good, not for evil.

Solidus shook his head as Liquid took Meryl's money. "I swear to god you must cheat in every game."

Liquid's cat walked over to Snake's lap and sat on him.

Snake sat up and pushed the cat of the couch all together. "Liquid! Get your little pussy away from me!"

The rest of the room laughed and Liquid picked up the cat and placed him on his lap. The cat turned over on his back as Liquid rubbed his belly.

Snake shook his head. "Filthy fucking cat, I like dogs."

Snake had three Husky puppies. When EVA was in Alaska a few months ago, she bought Raya, her Siberian Husky. Unaware Raya was pregnant, EVA took her home. Not long after, Para-Medic noticed the unnatural extension of her stomach. EVA wasn't happy with the owner.

There was two boys and a girl, Wolfie, Demon and Gene. Snake put a basket and bowl in his in-wall wardrobe, though they usually slept on the bed with him.

Solidus rolled the dice and It landed on a fine for four hundred dollars. "Oh, shit! Liquid, I wanna borrow some money from the bank?"

Liquid nodded and threw in a hundred dollars to the board. Liquid took his notepad and writ down: Solidus and four hundred dollars.

There were also a few other names on the notepad. Snake and Ocelot were also in dept. Liquid was always the puppet master of the game, he had everyone under his wing.

Snake sighed. "This isn't any fun, you always win!"

Liquid nodded. "Well… its fun for me."

He threw his character on the board. A loud bark came from up the stairs.

Snake sighed and stood up. "Damn, I'll be back in a sec."

He walked up the stairs.

Liquid shook his head. "huh… immoral creatures. Its bad enough having cigarette remains in my bed, but that imbecile insists on having his mongrels sleep in the bed with him."

There were three light barks coming from Snakes bedroom.

Liquid shook his head. "Filthy, loud, hirsute mutts!"

Solidus and Meryl sighed.

Meryl had to admit, it was a bit creepy waking up start naked with a throbbing hangover, to a puppy licking her face.

The phone began to ring, and Solidus picked it up. "Hello? Solidus speaking."

"_Hello, its Joyce. I'm a friend of your mothers."_

Solidus frowned. "My Mother has friends?"

"_I was just calling to say that Rebecca's party is tomorrow night, and the whole family is welcome to come."_

"Party?"

Solidus thought for a moment. _Party? What party? Mom mentioned something…_

For the most enhanced twin, he was pretty slow.

"Eh…. Yeah, Okay." He said cautiously.

Joyce sounded pleased. _"That's great, 8:30."_

He nodded while frowning. "8:30. Gotcha."

Solidus hung up.

As the rest continued to play, Solidus kept on the thought. _mmh… party? Something about…okay…rethink what she said. 1: fix sink 2: change kitchen bulb 3: lie to annoying neighbour about party… Damn._

_SUN 22nd_

Neighbours house

8:40pm

EVA, Snake, Big Boss, Ocelot, Para-Medic, Solidus, Liquid and Meryl walked down the foot path.

Big Boss fiddled with his tie with an awkward facial expression. "I hate this damn thing."They were all dressed respectably but uncomfortably. The guys wore Gucci suits, Snake reckoned he was 007. Though Meryl was just as uncomfortable, seeing as she's more comfortable with a gun than in a bra.

Big Boss looked at his watch. "EVA, we're ten minutes late."

She sighed while putting in earrings. "Uh… I really, really don't wanna be there any sooner then fashionable, though I really don't wanna be there at all."

They walked down the street until they reached number five on their street.

The six stopped at the Bree Van De Camp house.

It was a two story, with a mown lawn and perfectly trimmed hedges.

Snake took the two hour old chewing gum out of his mouth. "Its like those house you'd see at the back of a pottery barn catalogue."

EVA rang the door bell. A young girl with short brown hair and green eyes opened the door. "Hi, I'm Rebecca."

Liquid burst through the other five to her greeting. He put on a very charming manner and smooth voice.

"Hello, I'm Nicolas… well they call me Liquid."

The four men looked her up and down, besides Solidus. He was too busy listening to James blunt.

Rebecca smiled at Liquids elegant charisma. "Hi… Liquid."

They walked by her and she shut the door.

As they stood idly examining the living room of the, what looked to be the steppford house, Rebecca observed Snake with attraction.

"mmh." She thought quietly to herself.

Though Snake took no observation, he instead monitored the sandwiches and prawns laid out on the table.

Rebecca brushed the small strands of hair from her eyes and walked suggestively walked over to Snake.

She stood on his left side and put her hand out to him. "Hi, Rebecca."

He turned to her and shook her head. "Snake."

She wore a long black dress that said; 'look at my breasts.'

Meryl stood at the other side of the room beside the stairs knocking back vodka shots she'd found in the kitchen.

She was bored as hell, until she saw a tall brunette wearing a revealing dress standing in front of him with her hands on her hips, and any sensible person… woman, could tell she'd pulled her dress down so you'd see an opening held by her chest.

Meryl raised an eyebrow. "oh its on."

She threw a shot into herself and walked over to the sandwich and patter table.

She stood 5'4 behind the tall girl. "Snake?"

Snake turned his head towards her, not knowing that Rebecca was coming-on to him.

He walked over and threw his arm around her. "Rebecca, Meryl. Meryl, Rebecca."

Meryl put on a bitchie fake smile, to tell Rebecca in female language; 'back off bitch!'

Rebecca squinted (Bitchily). "Meryl. Really, and you're his-"

"Girlfriend."

Rebecca took a quiet sigh. Snake nodded and smiled. " I'll be back in a sec, why don't you two get acquainted?"

Snake walked away, totally oblivious of the girls hostility towards each other.

Rebecca threw her small side fringe from her face. "Nice guy you got there."

"He's mine."

"Not for long."

"Very long."

"Too long."

"Back off."

"Not much competition."

"You'd be surprised."

"Doesn't look much."

"Trust me it is!"

Snake came back with a multiple amount of drinks. "Hey."

He handed them both a glass of wine. Meryl frowned. "Rebecca, don't ya have to be twenty one to drink that?"

Rebecca glared venomously at her. Snake chuckled. "Oh, sorry! I wasn't thinking, sorry Rebecca."

Rebecca nodded to Snake. "Oh, its fine."

She put the glass down and Meryl glared smug at her.

Though most of the night, Rebecca and Meryl were in competition for Snake.

Big Boss and EVA sat on the sofa bored.

Big Boss sighed. "Oh, god it feels like for ever. What time is it?"

EVA looked at her watch. "8:54."

"And we got here at…?"

"8:40."

_9:16pm_

The party was dull. Dull for people who didn't want to listen to a Jew talk about legal advice.

Solidus ran into Liquid. "Hey, man."

Liquid sighed. "This has to be the worst party I've been to since Vamp celebrated his 'operation'."

Jazz music played in the back round.

"I know, it sucks! The cocktail sausages are only a centimetre thick, and nobody told me ya weren't supposed to drink the wine."

Liquid nodded. "There's one thing I have to give it, the women at this party are stunning."

He then walked up to three older women.

Upstairs

Meryl and Snake hurried out of the master bedroom. Their hair were dazzled and clothes on inside-out.

They headed as quietly as possible for the stairs, but ran back when they heard noise.

They ran into the bathroom. They heard a woman giggling. Snake looked through the key whole.

"Is that… Liquid?" He saw Liquid standing outside the door to the master bedroom, caressing a curly ,dirty blonde haired woman's neck.

Meryl pecked out the whole beside him. They were unable to see her face. "Who's he with?"

Snake smirked. "I don't know, but she's a smoking body."

Meryl nodded. "I agree, do you see the ass on her?"

"Damn, my girlfriends cool."The woman turned her head. Snake frowned. "Mrs Hampton?"

Meryl sighed. "Liquid."

"Dad told you: 'there's a limit boy, fool around with any girl ya want, even girls at the same time, but don't go gay, get them pregnant, or married women… well your mom made me say that last one.' "

"Wow, is this a common Liquid move?"

"Oh yeah."

Joyce pushed him threw the door. The last thing the saw before it closed was her jumping on the bed and straddle him.

They both stood up. Meryl sighed. "Can't say I blame her, her husband is down there talking about legislation."

Snake smiled. "I remember when Liquid had an affair with our Spanish neighbours wife, and daughter."

"Very man whore of him. Why isn't Solidus like that?"

Snake laughed. "Because he's gay!"

"Really? I never really saw anything gay about him."

"He has a load of shit, like Will & Grace box sets, Peter Potrelli posters, a Nintendo Wii."

Meryl nodded. "I guess."

They heard a noise behind the door, it was footsteps and laughing.

Meryl looked threw the key whole. "eh… Snake is that Ocelot and… Dr Clark."

"What?" He skidded on the floor to get to the door. They both looked through.

"Oh god it is!"

They saw Ocelot hold her up as she rapped her legs around his waist.

They went to open the door to find it was locked and Liquid said: "Occupied!" they then hurried to the next bedroom over.

Snake stood up. "Wow. Go Rasputin."

Meryl laughed. "Was she just biting him?"

_MON 23rd _

_6:00am_

Big Boss woke. EVA slept the other side of the Super king.

He looked at her and smiled.

He thought_, "Mmh… she's so peaceful when she's sleeping…", _He nodded,_ "when she's sleeping."_

"Honey… EVA you awake."

She moaned. "No."

He nodded and stood up. He wore a pair of jeans… nothing else. EVA always wondered, his body has changed no different since the torture room, she liked that fact.

He came down to see Meryl trying to reach the top shelf.

He came up behind her. "Meryl?"

She jumped. "Oh… sorry, John. I'm always thinking it's Liquid wanting to play torture."

He laughed. "No, I grounded him for a good six months after he did it the first time."

"Could you… ya know get the Ready Break outta the top shelf?"

He took it out and handed it to her. "Here."

"Thanks"

He sat on a stool beside the counter. "Where's Snake?"

She shook her head. "No, he's hitched a ride to work with Otacon."

Big Boss nodded, there was a creak on the stairs. They looked over through the door to see Liquid hungover, and desperately needing a cup of coffee.

Big Boss frowned. "Good morning 'death'."

His eyes were red and he could barley see. "Uh…"

Big Boss smiled. "Rough night, we missed you when we left, ya score?"

Liquid took a seat at the counter beside him. "…eh… maybe… I think there w-was someone in my bed this morning."

Meryl and Big Boss looked at each other. "Well, maybe that was a hint."

Liquid banged his head against the counter. "…uh… well, I didn't see her face. But she had curly dirty blonde hair. I just legged it out of the room."

Meryl frowned. "Wait… she's still up there?"

Liquid looked up. "Yeah, why?"

She shook her head at him. "Liquid!"

"What?"

Big Boss frowned. "Yeah, what?"

She sighed and shook her head. "Men. Anyway, did ya see Ocelot."

"Eh, no. last time I saw him he was chatting up some slut."

Meryl smiled. "I'm so telling her you said that."

"Who?"

She walked towards the door. "I vowed not to tell."

_12:13pm_

Liquid sat on the three seat sofa, watching the classical music channel.

As he sat in silence, he heard heavy footsteps jogged down the stairs. He turned and saw 'the dumbest of them all' come into the living room.

Snake jumped over the back off sofa and reclined.

Liquid sighed, and Snake looked over at him. He snatched the remote. "I'm not watching this shit."

He went down two channels and shouted, "Battlestar Galactica!"

Liquid forced the remote away from him and switched it back.

Snake tackled him. Liquid threw the remote on the ground and it slid across the floor.

They both raced for it, until they noticed Meryl had picked it up. "Seriously!?"

She sat on the sofa. "I'll settle this."

She scanned threw a number of channels, and eventually found One Tree Hill.

The twins sighed and sulked on the sofa.

Solidus ran into the room and hopped on the sofa. "Oh, One Tree Hill! Is this new?"

"Yeah, Dan was just hit by a car last season."

As Solidus and Meryl sat in front of the television, Liquid shook his head. "Faggot."

"I'm not gay!"

Snake nodded. "We know you aren't gay, you're just in denial."

Liquid laughed along with Snake.

Meryl shook her head. "Ya know Otacon is working to get your incredibly dysfunction family on track, and what I've seen, you're not really trying."

Liquid sniggered. "Yeah like that's gonna work."

1:30

Otacon sat the family(and Paramedic and Ocelot) around the coffee table. "I'm sorry, progress is futile. So I've came up with a game."

Liquid frowned. "A game?"

"Yes. It's roll playing. We pick the person that irritates us the most, and impersonate them."

Snake raised his hand. (Imitates accent ) "Hi, I'm Liquid. I have a 155 IQ and I like to Snake myself whenever seeing Sniper Wolf."

Liquid- (Imitates Voice) "I'm Snake, I slip girls the roofie-colada!"

Snake frowned. "Huh, I never did that! Girls come to me!"

Solidus- "I'm Snake, I wear a bandana."

Eva- (Imitates) "I'm Big Boss, I forget to use a condom… twice."

Paramedic leaded back, she wanted to stay out of this.

Ocelot-"I'm Big Boss, I do crappy judo."

Big Boss- "I'm Rasputin. I gas Jews!"

Ocelot snarled. "Germany, Fag!"

Liquid- (Imitates) I'm Snake I hide in card board boxes!"

Snake-(Imitates) "I'm Liquid, I'm the leftovers of my little brother and go try take over the world when I'm having my period!"

As the house began screaming at each other, Otacon bit his lip. "Maybe not the best tactic."

The screams got louder and louder, eventually Otacon got it to stop. "Enough!"

The voices silenced. Otacon sighed. "Okay, something else. How about… Ah! Bare with me for a sec. Their's obviously stuff you guys haven't told each other, so no more secrets. Now who'd like to go first?"

Every waited for someone to else to start. It went silent. Seeing as nobody volunteered, he started picking people. "Okay… Snake. Shadow Moses? Only me, you and three other people in this room were there. Anything you'd like to share with the family?"

Snake was silent for a moment, and Meryl began to laugh. "Ha, This is gonna be good."

Snake snarled at Ocelot. As Ocelot caught his eye he shook his head in protest. Snake brought his head to Big Boss and EVA. "Ya know in Shadow Moses, those scares weren't from when Meryl and I broke it off the first time, it's from when Ocelot tortured me in Shadow Moses!"

EVA frowned at Ocelot. "You little son of a bitch!"

Big Boss Snarled at him. "WHAT!"

Ocelot had had his head down. "Well Liquid told me to."

The looked at Liquid. "LIQUID!"

Snake suddenly started enjoying this. "And, he tortured Meryl too!"

Meryl nodded. EVA looked back at Ocelot and started leaning closer by each word. "Oh, I am gonna rip you apart(!)".

The room began yelling again.

1:51pm

Meryl sat by the back wall of the house with a lit up joint and a vodka. She always wondered marijuana cigarettes and alcohol… bad combination?

She heard the patio door open. She looked around the corner to jump to the sight of Liquid. He looked over at her. "Hi Meryl."

She nodded hesitantly. "Hey…"

He sat on the grass beside her. "They're still yelling."

She nodded. "Yeah."

It was silent, seeing as he'd tortured her in Shadow Moses.

Liquid bit his lip, thinking to break the silence. "Ehh… sorry…"

She frowned. "What?"

"The… Shadow Moses thing…"

"Don't worry. It wasn't you anyway, it was Ocelot who felt me up in there."

Liquid frowned. "Felt you up? I told him to _only_ shock ya and shit like that?"

"Well. He was horny, I hit him. Then, he looked like I'd bruised his ego somehow. I think he'd forgotten he'd just tied me to a… chair thing and threw millions of volts through my body."

He laughed. Meryl looked over at him. She examined his face. "Wow. You look exactly alike."

He smiled. "Yeah, but I'm so much better looking."

She laughed and took a drag on her cigarette. Meryl noticed him staring at it. "Oh, sorry does this bother you?"

Liquid Smiled. "No I'll have one."

As they both got extremely high, Liquid noticed Snake staring through the window at them.

He frowned and mouthed to him. "What?"

Snake pointed at Liquid- you- He poked his arm- touch- He pointed at Meryl- her- He pointed at himself- I- he ran a pen along his neck- kill- he pointed at Liquid-you. Basically, if you touch her I'll kill you.

Liquid laughed, basically saying to Snake, we'll see.

Snake stormed off. Liquid laughed.

They both heard crashing and screaming inside the house.

Meryl sighed. "Happy Christmas, huh?"

Liquid nodded in agreement. "Definitely happiest for Ocelot."

Meryl stood up and lit out the cigarette. "Better go."

Liquid smiled. "Yeah. Though before you go into the living room through… world war 3, brush your teeth before she gets the high smell of you. Trust me, it does not work."

She smiled. "Noted."

Five minutes later, Otacon and Meryl had managed to get them remotely calm.

Otacon nodded. "Right, I wrote down everyone's name from the right half of the room, now, Meryl gimme your hat."

Meryl passed her hat too him. Otacon placed four piece's of paper in the hat. After shuffling them up he handed paper out to the four people on the left.

"Okay. EVA, who did you get?" She smiled. "I got Meryl."

He wrote it down. "Yup, Solidus?" Solidus sighed. "Eh, Big Boss."

"Paramedic?" "Liquid."

"And, Ocelot?" He laughed. "Snake!"

Otacon nodded. "Okay. All of you have three hours. Go, and do something the other likes each for an hour and a half."

The few sat there idol and silently, looking at each other. Otacon sighed. "GO, NOW!"

********************************************************************************************


End file.
